By Obi-Wan - United Kingdom - Manchester

Pink Lightsaber

Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

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410

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Insane parents

Silver linings

By Kiimmy - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

17708

You deserved it

27006

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By edgyasfuck23 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15520

You deserved it

989

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By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29166

You deserved it

2077

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By Anonymous - United States - Harrison

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25058

You deserved it

2086

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47340

You deserved it

4886

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14397

You deserved it

62822

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, instead of watching a movie like a normal family, we performed random acts of kindness by handing out roses to total strangers in the freezing cold. No one would take them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30485

You deserved it

6126

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By lameows - United States

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35250

You deserved it

4347

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By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30253

You deserved it

3090

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By Lyle - 13/12/2020 01:07 - United Kingdom

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1263

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By sophiae123 - United States - Cadillac

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34346

You deserved it

5275

Favorite

By MegGRRRz - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7793

You deserved it

56855

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By Dummy - United States

Creepy

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32559

You deserved it

15995

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By ugh - United States - Port Chester

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35100

You deserved it

4402

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By dfkjhregoiuberiug - United States

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25855

You deserved it

4798

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38612

You deserved it

8782

Favorite

By Christopher Tobler - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1983

You deserved it

431

Favorite

By Craig Thompson - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4020

You deserved it

768

Favorite

By Fatnlonely

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1605

You deserved it

401

Favorite

By stupidoldcar - United States

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34141

You deserved it

4378

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By DrakeB - United States - Seattle

Here boy!

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20798

You deserved it

43869

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bargoed

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27052

You deserved it

1877

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

You did ask…

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23863

You deserved it

4322

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By Foreveralone17362562 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47401

You deserved it

5736

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By useless pos - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42151

You deserved it

12280

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By Kilania

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1641

You deserved it

590

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By Really jealous - 26/1/2021 09:31 - India

Creeped out

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1240

You deserved it

186

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By NYCproblems - United States - New York

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48962

You deserved it

4864

Favorite

By kidneystoner - United States

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35552

You deserved it

2389

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By Bigfatfailure - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73326

You deserved it

9820

Favorite

By peachesthepigeon - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30056

You deserved it

2657

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9429

You deserved it

771

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By really?!

Troll level 3000

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1819

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By mk - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41489

You deserved it

5674

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58028

You deserved it

16842

Favorite

By Joshua Sheldon - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23163

You deserved it

8474

Favorite

By Blazouta - France

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55979

You deserved it

4558

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39537

You deserved it

2971

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26855

You deserved it

3915

Favorite

By epicsandwichartist - United States

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35755

You deserved it

3620

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Top comments

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7841427 - Sunday 8 September 2019 13:00

Don’t you knock before entering his bedroom? (I’m assuming that is where he was)

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7841344 - Sunday 8 September 2019 7:38

so your 17 yr old needs your permission to watch a movie?

COMMENTS

By Chen Zhibang | 8

#7841323 - Sunday 8 September 2019 4:54

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?"

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7841328 - Sunday 8 September 2019 5:57

It's now time to let him watch how you lock a bedroom doorknob (or how to install a locking bedroom doorknob)....

julfunky | 29

#7841512 - Sunday 8 September 2019 17:58

I’m guessing someone else needs to learn to knock before opening a closed door too.

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7841344 - Sunday 8 September 2019 7:38

so your 17 yr old needs your permission to watch a movie?

kfchicken_fml | 28

#7842135 - Tuesday 10 September 2019 0:16

pretty sure that wasn't what op meant.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7841368 - Sunday 8 September 2019 9:16

At least he didn't challenge you to a light-saber duel.

By worldclassrager | 39

#7841377 - Sunday 8 September 2019 9:40

Maybe men and black would have been better

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7841736 - Monday 9 September 2019 7:34

Or the movie "Men In Black" perchance?

By Mark W. Noonan_969479943 | 4

#7841399 - Sunday 8 September 2019 10:54

OMG that’s Embarrassing. I got caught once too when I was 16. I’m 48 now;

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7841427 - Sunday 8 September 2019 13:00

Don’t you knock before entering his bedroom? (I’m assuming that is where he was)

By Memnoc | 26

#7841433 - Sunday 8 September 2019 13:55

You have a teenage boy, and you haven't learned to knock before entering a room that he is in, with the door closed? YDI for not respecting his privacy.

By fireblazes | 9

#7841495 - Sunday 8 September 2019 17:41

Knock, knock? Who's there? Yo Mama. Yo Mama who? Yo Mama who wishes she had knocked...

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7841542 - Sunday 8 September 2019 18:25

LOL!