Transportation: Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking... - FML

By Soso96 - 08/08/2010 23:20 - Algeria

Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 281

Compromises

Dysfunctional

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By saracenslament - 22/11/2016 11:47

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 939

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 799

You deserved it 8 799

By not telling you my name - 07/08/2015 15:16 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 584

You deserved it 5 766

By OytoBeAfather - 16/05/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 927

You deserved it 4 239

By Faithful - 24/11/2011 10:01 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 160

You deserved it 7 702

By sadgirl - 10/06/2013 18:14 - United States - Conway

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 4 361

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 92

By jostertoaster12 - 13/02/2015 20:31 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 158

You deserved it 2 393

By Anonymous - 04/06/2017 00:00

Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 351

By Whoops - 02/11/2018 14:00

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 239

By yellow_sunflowers101 - 16/04/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my family and I ran into an older man my parents knew. He continually asked me questions like do you play football, have you started shaving yet, etc. I thought he was joking. He told my parents I had grown into quite a young man. I am a girl and he wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 372

You deserved it 4 853

By Anonymous - 21/01/2011 22:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 3 600

By Chris Chandler - 04/11/2018 15:30

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 642

By Anonymous - 28/12/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 7 025

By brokedad - 10/05/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 564

You deserved it 7 344

By ashleeylynn - 15/03/2010 15:05 - United States

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 103

You deserved it 3 929

By :/ - 20/02/2011 18:44 - Canada

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 049

You deserved it 109 432

By Moon_Glade - 03/06/2017 16:00

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 908

You deserved it 347

That's nuts

By shbaxter - 16/03/2020 06:00

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 90

By Anon. - 28/03/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 663

You deserved it 14 544

By cmolloy - 21/12/2011 14:40 - Ireland

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 274

You deserved it 4 459

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 533

You deserved it 15 731

Stop doing this

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 22:01

Today, my sister called me at work and told me our elderly mom had passed away. I dropped everything and rushed home, to find out she was fine, and that my sister was just pranking me. When I explained this to my boss, he accused me of lying to get out of work, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 66

By baconistasty27 - 01/08/2014 05:33 - United States - San Diego

Today, I spent my afternoon rummaging through old jeans and other pants, due to being broke and needing cash for ramen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 219

You deserved it 5 116

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 435

You deserved it 3 020

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 014

You deserved it 6 206

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 08:08

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 592

By scratchy - 08/02/2011 21:39

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 135

You deserved it 2 728

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 327

By ihpgolj - 18/06/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 843

You deserved it 43 879

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 232

You deserved it 14 150

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 170

By Nudge23 - 26/09/2011 07:26 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 749

You deserved it 4 645

By TooFast - 21/07/2019 02:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 155

By dana - 16/12/2013 22:43 - United States - Montrose

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 11 859

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 03:05 - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 239

You deserved it 3 228

By Alup132 - 11/09/2018 22:00

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 16:28 - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 736

You deserved it 4 539

By CUCKOO - 26/10/2013 21:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 289

You deserved it 5 025

By CasaDeLoser - 11/03/2015 05:32 - United States - Kent

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 989

You deserved it 3 297

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Top comments

emh86 14

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 11:30

Guess you didn't pick a winner this time

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:25

You couldn't have picked a worse time.

Comments

emh86 14

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 11:30

Guess you didn't pick a winner this time

Rabite 28

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 11:37

In school they told us not to drink something while driving as a passenger since the driver could brake and we would get hit in the face with the bottle. Way to get paranoid but things like this kind of make it true D:

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:22

Did you get it out?

dannidoll93 24

Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:25

Ouch... hope you keep your nails short.

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:25

You couldn't have picked a worse time.

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:34

A 2010 FML. Wow.

syki 22

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:39

It's a World FML. Those don't always get translated as soon as they're posted.

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 12:45

Indeed syki!

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 16:36

Oh that's cool #6, I never knew that. It makes sense now aha. Thanks!

Lalala579121 27

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Thursday 20 October 2016 7:58

Look the FML commenters are being nice and explaining it so that Alan doesn't have to.

gamermonster 34

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Thursday 20 October 2016 8:41

#25 such is the nature of this community :)

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 13:16

I guess that will drive the message not to pick your nose home?

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 14:13

You nasty

cuz803 43

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 16:46

I'm sure pretty much everyone has done this

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Thursday 20 October 2016 3:15

Can confirm. majority of people do. Some more than others.

cuz803 43

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 14:48

Well, all attention should be at the road so ydi

sirrubberduckie 35

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 18:08

As a passenger?

cuz803 43

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 20:42

sorry I comprehended this FML wrong

ab290 10

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Wednesday 19 October 2016 16:11

Just be glad u wrnt picking somewhere else :D

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 120

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 84