Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking dinner for my date. When they arrived, they told me that I'd probably not paid much attention to their dating profile, as it clearly mentioned that they were vegan, and thus couldn't eat any of the food I'd prepared. FML
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Top comments
thelittlemissy 29
She had no cravings for your sasuage.
604 11
How rude! She totally should've mentioned that it was BYOB (bring your own bacon).
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Comments (71)
underthesea12 24
dump her and have a nice delicious steak
meli1195 31
Why would he dump her???
taysalot 2
he would dump her because the person who made the last comment is a ******* idiot
sanecatlady 13
Is that ALL guys think about? Sex, sex, and more sex? YDI
KingLewisII 34
I think you need to get laid.
rec_chem 22
Funny how vegans think they're doing the healthier thing, but 98% of the soy in the world is gmo and soaked with roundup. I don't care how long you scrub your vegetables, roundup doesn't come off.
mageepaigeee44 15
Not all vegans eat soy. I'm a vegan. I don't eat soy.
mageepaigeee44 15
Also, a lot of meat has soy added into it so...
mageepaigeee44 15
AND last point, not all vegans are vegans because its "healthier". Sorry for 3 different responses. I just don't like generalizations.
Voij 16
Unpopular opinion coming through: Not all GMOs are unhealthy. In theory they are a method of applying selective breeding of an organism within a single generation, instead of having to wait for decades to see results. In practice, it depends a whole lot on who you're buying what from and for what purposes. If you want wheat that can grow in conditions that are usually considered too harsh for it, then you're likely to get it from scientific researchers who know what they're doing. If you just want to get bigger crops that are immune to diseases and require less pesticides because insects won't touch them, then you're most likely dealing with the wrong people, who will sell you anti-bacteria-laden crops that weaken your immune system, have not been tested for safety concerns and were created by greed-driven mega-corporations who couldn't care less about human lives if they tried. Just because some people misuse it doesn't make the product/idea itself inherently bad. Alcohol could be a similar example, where people who abuse it are frowned upon, not the drink itself.
Voij 16
Basically, just make sure that scientists get national funding to do their research, instead of having to rely on Monsanto for payment, that companies who do use GMOs are subject to strict regulations and controls, that government officials are no longer as subjective to the influence of corporations and are more resistant to corruptive influences and bribery by being under stricter control. Yeah, none of that is going to be easy, but sometimes there's just no simple solution to the complex problems that plague us.
wvcheesehead 13
Does she have a good recipe for vegans or does she just put them on a spit over an open fire and ask them to salt themselves?
Randy_Orton 16
That's what you get for thinking that girls don't like doing stuff like that
Marco_Vi 14
Look on the bright side. Vegans are known for having the best tasting semen due to the fact that dairy and meat make it taste bad while fruits, such as pineapples, make it taste good. ;)
worldclassrager 41
Its a start...maybe you can suggest something special...worth a shot right?
DylanHasClass 17
She doesnt want meat anymore..
Axipiter 24
Whoever votes YDI on this is a terrible person. Nobody deserves this...
howdoilogin2 2
I think she needs to relearn what the word 'exciting' actually means...last I checked bland foods aren't exactly exciting.