Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking dinner for my date. When they arrived, they told me that I'd probably not paid much attention to their dating profile, as it clearly mentioned that they were vegan, and thus couldn't eat any of the food I'd prepared. FML
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Top comments
thelittlemissy 29
She had no cravings for your sasuage.
604 11
How rude! She totally should've mentioned that it was BYOB (bring your own bacon).
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Comments (71)
Sinclair935 5
My idea of vegan cooking is filling up the woodstove.
mosquito19 14
Vaseline and cucumbers are aslo vegan.
milky2321 14
I'm a vegan and the food isn't bad at all. With the right recipes you still have many delicious options.
lina21 12
Hopefully she's a good cook?
200percent 1
So.......are you sure she's not holding a big ass cucumber and watching you meaningfully?
rec_chem 22
48 if you really believe that, you're part of the problem. Read a book.
rec_chem 22
Preferably one that was NOT written by someone on mansanto's payroll
Goblin182 27
Isn't vegan Native American for "poor hunter"?
andycee2000 5
Double disappointment
xebi 4
Wow, so your girlfriend's a human being with a personality rather than a piece of meat and wanted to do something other than screw you. Yeah, **** your life.