Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
Yeah, that's not very attractive >.>
GrooveTurtle 0
She be trollin?
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Comments (308)
bryan788 29
you just need to train her up
perdix 31
BadLY! It must be tough to be such a grammar Nazi that you can lose an erection when an adjective is used where an adverb is clearly needed! I like good grammar, but I realize that in sex and sports, you have to relax the rules!
Phatman441 0
She couldn't use the force to get it back up? Lame...
arvale8802 1
I would have a talk w my bf if he spoke to me like that.
SuperManBro 0
Ahhh Instant Turn Off Lol
AllyyK 9
Hahaha tushy? I don't know how she thought that would be sexy. Sounds like she needs a lesson in dirty talk.
asherm 15
Jeez, Is your GF 14 or something? She needs lessons on being sexy
FrankHotpants 31
I just don't think its bad enough to were it would ruin some sex. I don't know about you guys but in order for me to go completely limp while beating guts, something absolutely nasty or epic has to happen.
CaptainPickles72 18
Like using the term "beating guts"? I don't know why, but that phrase disturbs me!
tylerknight99 5
What a chill penis
manjo71 2
is she a **** star or watches a lot of **** ???