Love: Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school...

By Messiahman - 30/10/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 927

You deserved it 34 060

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By tehaustiebear - 03/10/2012 22:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 2 744

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 302

You deserved it 33 321

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 714

You deserved it 26 844

By xxlenalunaxx - 29/04/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 586

You deserved it 4 281

By topfisherman - 05/02/2010 20:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 765

You deserved it 42 246

By angryman - 28/12/2014 09:07

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 778

You deserved it 8 110

Unexpected

By Matt988 - 22/03/2021 23:00 - India

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 279

By Embarrassed - 22/08/2013 04:40 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 816

You deserved it 4 351

Public freakout!

By Cheerieful - 07/05/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 193

You deserved it 10 255

By filipinoclari808 - 16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 794

You deserved it 81 435

deviable 9

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:32

What a twist!

MrKlutch 1

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:30

Ask her mom to join you guys

Comments

MrKlutch 1

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:30

Ask her mom to join you guys

iBanana 17

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:38

Not every situation can be magically transformed into a porno

Epic_Fail911 15

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:49

Squeeze her butt too.. maybe she was just jealous.

xlord 27

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:54

Dw worry guys OP said it was only Jokingly so it really wasn't a problem.

n_epic_fail 14

Sunday 30 October 2011 10:25

7- no but we sure can try. Anything can happen in Texas

white16sox 19

Sunday 30 October 2011 13:15

12 don't worry worry?

ohSNAPyall 26

Sunday 30 October 2011 14:29

This joke is played out, FMLers.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Sunday 30 October 2011 16:19

7 - Rule #34. Enough said.

SamBaBam98 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 18:57

Wait which school carnival cuz I was at one In my town in Texas and I played twister

lemon_phat 11

Sunday 30 October 2011 22:55

You play twister at school carnivals? I'm jealous..

likasumboooodi 0

Monday 31 October 2011 9:45

mom was already playing with them

fackincrazy 0

Sunday 6 November 2011 3:35

LIES !!!!

Humanspider 18

Friday 9 December 2011 8:34

Does not mean a guy can not dream for that one magical porno day

sreejithgmenon 3

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

hamncheeseinit 6

Sunday 30 October 2011 10:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

memily63 12

Sunday 30 October 2011 11:55

Is that even English..?

TheDrummingResul 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 14:52

Cheating had absolutely nothing to do with that FML and you butchered that sentence so bad...

infinity99_fml 3

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:31

Was it a soft butt ?

deviable 9

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:32

What a twist!

teague95 16

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:33

Was it the right hand red it always gets me twisted.

HomeAl0ne 20

Sunday 30 October 2011 23:23

I prefer the Adult Twister where you add pink and brown to the spinner, and play it oiled up and naked.

Telescope 1

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:34

I'm sure it was fun trying to explain that.

alicianoar 7

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:41

That's not an fml. Are you ******* twelve?

best_username 3

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:43

haha goodsawt

yadisingh 5

Sunday 30 October 2011 14:58

Goodsawt? The **** is that?

bearnblue 0

Monday 31 October 2011 3:31

#40 u made me laugh :P

bearnblue 0

Monday 31 October 2011 3:31

#40 u made me laugh :P

cmayo 3

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:43

At least it wasn't naked twister.

Mister_Triangle 21

Sunday 30 October 2011 10:13

Everybody wins in naked twister. Well, except me. I have no friends so I can only play naked twister alone with my antique pool noodle collection.

ohSNAPyall 26

Sunday 30 October 2011 14:31

If only your snail weren't such a party pooper.

sydnee14 7

Sunday 30 October 2011 22:50

I've never even heard of naked twister!!

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 31 October 2011 20:32

^ oh boy, your missing epic fun then.

Garytt 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 9:58

"She had a spider on her butt"

comment11111 39

Sunday 20 October 2013 16:08

haha, funny :)

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 715

Today, I went on a hiking date with my significant other. Trying to be adventurous and assertive, I suggested we take a shortcut through the woods. We got hopelessly lost and ended up spending the night in a deserted ranger station. Turns out, my idea of adventure is not quite as romantic as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 676

The Top

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 518

You deserved it 88 424

Today, my relatively new car locked down, with my keys inside of it, while it was still running. In a panic because it was getting dark and I was already low on fuel, I called a locksmith. He showed up and told me he needed to see some ID before unlocking the car. My ID was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 105

Today, I asked if my psychiatrist would test me for autism, as I believe I may have it. His response? "You probably don't. Stay off social media once in a while." Well fuck me for wanting a professional opinion I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 715

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 188

You deserved it 46 857

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says, "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 298

You deserved it 2 863

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 486

You deserved it 3 301

Same thing different taste

Unexpected

Public freakout!

Top comments

Comments