Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school...

By Messiahman - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

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Love

All for nothing

Basic Instinct

Knock off

By eaglesmile - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

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By bosssssssss765432 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML

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By Henry - Norway

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

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By wotwzombie - United States

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

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By Cody - United States

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

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By spitty - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

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By volleyballgirl - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

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By etahrabayraa - 27/6/2020 08:08

Instadrama

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

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By justme - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

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By CessnaPilot - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

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By targetlove - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

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By BeatByA9yrold - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

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By what the fuck - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

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By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

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By fviz - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

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By roofer - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

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By Twitchy - Bahamas

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

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By heckinfrick - 8/10/2020 08:01

What a headache

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

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By ryansmithho - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

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By salope - France - Paris

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

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By Imrickar - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

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By Kiera Ayala

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

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By Is_This_Real - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I hooked up with a friend. I expressed an interest in it becoming something more. He expressed an interest in not telling anyone and pretending it never happened. FML

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By oops - United States - Mankato

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

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By Quest for fun

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

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By smiles22 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

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By sideeffect001 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

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By mal - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

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By inthefamily - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 17:02

Late bloomer

Today, I’m at the age where I should be married or in a committed relationship and having kids. Instead, I’m STILL single. I haven’t had a first date or a first kiss. If any of that changes, luck and time aren’t going to be on my side because biologically I won’t be able to have kids. FML

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1400

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By icareaboutmyhair - Estonia

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

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By NoThanksGrandma

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

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By badcook - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

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By cargaljen - United States

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

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Top comments

By deviable | 9

#3512375 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:32

What a twist!

By MrKlutch | 1

#3512369 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:30

Ask her mom to join you guys

COMMENTS

By MrKlutch | 1

#3512369 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:30

Ask her mom to join you guys

iBanana | 17

#3512399 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:38

Not every situation can be magically transformed into a porno

Epic_Fail911 | 15

#3512420 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:49

Squeeze her butt too.. maybe she was just jealous.

xlord | 27

#3512431 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:54

Dw worry guys OP said it was only Jokingly so it really wasn't a problem.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3512501 - Sunday 30 October 2011 10:25

7- no but we sure can try. Anything can happen in Texas

white16sox | 19

#3512835 - Sunday 30 October 2011 13:15

12 don't worry worry?

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3513002 - Sunday 30 October 2011 14:29

This joke is played out, FMLers.

thrAsHeRr9081 | 16

#3513472 - Sunday 30 October 2011 16:19

7 - Rule #34. Enough said.

SamBaBam98 | 0

#3514197 - Sunday 30 October 2011 18:57

Wait which school carnival cuz I was at one In my town in Texas and I played twister

lemon_phat | 11

#3515731 - Sunday 30 October 2011 22:55

You play twister at school carnivals? I'm jealous..

likasumboooodi | 0

#3518296 - Monday 31 October 2011 9:45

mom was already playing with them

fackincrazy | 0

#3548262 - Sunday 6 November 2011 3:35

LIES !!!!

Humanspider | 18

#3705527 - Friday 9 December 2011 8:34

Does not mean a guy can not dream for that one magical porno day

By sreejithgmenon | 3

#3512371 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:31

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

hamncheeseinit | 6

#3512522 - Sunday 30 October 2011 10:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

memily63 | 12

#3512594 - Sunday 30 October 2011 11:55

Is that even English..?

TheDrummingResul | 0

#3513084 - Sunday 30 October 2011 14:52

Cheating had absolutely nothing to do with that FML and you butchered that sentence so bad...

By infinity99_fml | 3

#3512373 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:31

Was it a soft butt ?

By deviable | 9

#3512375 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:32

What a twist!

By teague95 | 16

#3512376 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:33

Was it the right hand red it always gets me twisted.

HomeAl0ne | 20

#3515815 - Sunday 30 October 2011 23:23

I prefer the Adult Twister where you add pink and brown to the spinner, and play it oiled up and naked.

By Telescope | 1

#3512383 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:34

I'm sure it was fun trying to explain that.

By alicianoar | 7

#3512404 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:41

That's not an fml. Are you fucking twelve?

By best_username | 3

#3512412 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:43

haha goodsawt

yadisingh | 5

#3513104 - Sunday 30 October 2011 14:58

Goodsawt? The fuck is that?

bearnblue | 0

#3516797 - Monday 31 October 2011 3:31

#40 u made me laugh :P

bearnblue | 0

#3516801 - Monday 31 October 2011 3:31

#40 u made me laugh :P

By cmayo | 3

#3512414 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:43

At least it wasn't naked twister.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#3512471 - Sunday 30 October 2011 10:13

Everybody wins in naked twister.

Well, except me. I have no friends so I can only play naked twister alone with my antique pool noodle collection.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3513010 - Sunday 30 October 2011 14:31

If only your snail weren't such a party pooper.

sydnee14 | 7

#3515717 - Sunday 30 October 2011 22:50

I've never even heard of naked twister!!

False_Stupidity | 41

#3520541 - Monday 31 October 2011 20:32

^ oh boy, your missing epic fun then.

By Garytt | 0

#3512438 - Sunday 30 October 2011 9:58

"She had a spider on her butt"

comment11111 | 39

#5723405 - Sunday 20 October 2013 16:08

haha, funny :)