Intimacy: Saucy

Saucy

By weeble_wobbles09 - 08/01/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 459

You deserved it 25 928

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By public pooper - 25/04/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 400

You deserved it 15 240

By Ace - 01/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 856

You deserved it 1 807

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 365

You deserved it 1 522

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 394

You deserved it 8 832

By Username - 03/02/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 288

You deserved it 3 748

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/01/2012 02:50 - Canada

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 8 886

Good for you

By denied - 11/08/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 123

You deserved it 8 877

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 974

You deserved it 57 469

Nice try

By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418

You deserved it 31 993

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 17 915

craze189 0

Friday 8 January 2010 16:50

ydi for texting anyone that you have "explosive diarreah". FHL for having to read it.

spank_u_veryhard 0

Friday 8 January 2010 16:35

maybe he has a shit fetish lmao response back from him: I'm skipping baseball practice. I'll be right over...

Comments

im_kinda_gay 0

Friday 8 January 2010 11:54

AHAHA ew. ;P

k2cool_87 0

Friday 8 January 2010 11:54

god damn girl!!!

steveman 0

Friday 8 January 2010 11:55

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

EvilCupcake8361 9

Monday 14 November 2011 6:12

cool story, bro

VittiChan 2

Friday 8 January 2010 12:09

ouch. I geuss bye bye him. lol. X3

itsgen 16

Friday 8 January 2010 12:21

LMFAO dude you sooooo deserves that! how hard is it to know who your txting

VittiChan 2

Friday 8 January 2010 12:26

umm itsgen it can b kinda hard sometimes coz some phones have like the iPhone have conversations and u can easily get the wrong one. X3

DeadPixel4 29

Monday 12 January 2015 14:59

ENGLISH MOTHEFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?

happyhak 5

Friday 8 January 2010 12:33

itsgen, this "dude" is a girl???

itsgen 16

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:15

yeaa i know whats the big deal plenty of people call girls dude all of my friends do that at my school

UnluckyDom 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 4:40

YDI. Are you 3 or something?

perdix 29

Friday 8 January 2010 13:40

Vigorous anal sex can do that. According to "Bad Santa," you won't shit right for a month! And if you can't trust Billy Bob Thornton, who can you trust?