Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning my garage and decided to put my motorcycle helmet on with the strap, to see if it still fits. A huge spider crawled down the inside of the helmet and I freaked out trying to get the strap off. I then tripped on my daughter’s scooter and dislocated my left pinky toe. FML
Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML
Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the driveway, hitting my leg, and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML
Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML
Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML
Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML
Today, I needed to buy a new crash helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML
Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75 mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML
Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML
Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML
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Top comments
Juliett_fml 0
well at least you were wearing a helmet...
Ligerie 0
Thats my worst fear, spiders popping out of nowhere and me dying as the result.
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Comments (123)
Beef_Sister 0
seeing is believing, so you better change your specs.
jdkfgkjdfb 0
At least you were wearing a helmet when you crashed headfirst!
plexico 4
Your mom: FTW! She knew you were such a clumsy oaf that you'd fall off your bike. Natural Selection is damning her for interfering and saving such a worthless specimen. "Halfway through my ride": Do you think the spiders were having fun riding around on your head and came out to tell you they've had enough? Back in the olden days, when people mostly DIDN'T wear helmets, I had a head-on bike crash and got knocked out. I don't think I suffered lasting brain damage, but I think about half the readers of FML disagree. ;) Since then, I've thought that those who aren't smart enough to wear helmets don't have brains worth protecting.
lordmoe 0
I have brains worth protecting and I don't wear a helmet. Of course I know how to ride a bike and rarely if ever fall off.
plexico 4
It's that "rarely" part that can be a bitch.
travelbug89 0
I always wear a helmet. Not because I'm worried about me falling off, but because I don't trust any of the other crazy people on the road to not run into me.
plexico 4
SOMAgirl, I'm flattered that you like my little aphorism. You've written some brilliant comments in the past and I am happy I could give back a little.
LilaBear 2
Congratulations, your brains will be pulp on the ground when you get hit by a speeding driver. Helmets are not just about protecting your head from your own riding ability, but protecting you from the idiots around you who might cause an accident.
LilaBear 2
sorry, that wasn't intended for you, it was intended for lordmoe #25.
blah123blah 0
You called yourself a flying ****? Nice opinion about yourself there. Good self esteem.
the_stereotype 0
1. Why would you put a helmet on and not notice there were spiders? Don't you even look? 2. If she FINALLY forced you to wear a helmet means you haven't been wearing one, so yeah, pretty dumb. 3. The helmet did it's job of protecting you from that crash and teaching you a lesson. In other words, YDI.
DynamicDave 11
Ha I love your username. And FYL about the spiders
lordmoe 0
I never wear a bike helmet, and in ever crash i've had i didn't need it. You shouldn't hate people for not wearing a helmet because that just makes you sound stupid.
nar_rauko 0
99 times out of 100 you really don't need a helmet, but you never know when the 1 time is coming, so a helmet really should be worn. And do you sound stupid for telling people to wear a seatbelt? I mean, I've never been in an accident where I've needed one, does that mean I'll never need one? Telling people to wear a helmet is the intelligent sounding thing.
allie2590 31
Does she realise that helmets expire after 3 years? Though you didn't say exactly how old this helmet was.
vanaathiel 13
I never wear a helmet either...though I should seeing as I live in the city and am biking with traffic. I know it's the smart thing to do but I still don't, they're just too uncomfortable and irritating
flarehair 0
Yeah, I bet you'll be very comfortable and un-irritated when you're in a vegetative state or six feet under. You won't feel a thing!
LilaBear 2
if it's uncomfortable and irritating you, then you don't have it adjusted properly. Professional cyclists wear them all day every day so obviously they can't be that uncomfortable. I used to ride all the time (at least twice a day- to and from uni - I ride less often now) and they're perfectly fine when adjusted correctly.