Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I had to make a house rule for my extended family who live with me: No more incestuous sex. FML
Today, I am sat in a house with a husband and three teenage boys who are all grumpy and pretending it’s not because the government just stopped them from watching porn without showing their ID first. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, I came home to an orgy in my room. It appears that my parents have been renting our house out to porn studios. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bwoolf96 21
Careful what you say when you bring it up, you could cause a mass-debate.
quinn1184 25
seems like a common courtesy.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (54)
DA3Z 16
There is bedrooms correct?
pnex 2
I pay my rent. I'll jerk it wherever the hell I want.
dirtbikeguy 14
Aw damn that's a shitty rule
pjsr 33
According to The Hite Report on Male Sexuality (a very large study of 7,000 men), 43% said they had masturbated with other males. This isn't that rare, but everybody needs to agree.
trucker2 33
Swingers party they forgot to mail out your invitation. Hope, your not part of clean up crew.
clair_brodie 35
One rule I had at an old house was no sex toys in the dishwasher.
bapbap_fml 15
I don't think I could ever live with another adult except my husband. That just sounds too irritating.
bandit1971 18
I feel you OP. We rent rooms out in our house (and I rent one of them as well) because we're so close to the local college campus. My 65 year old father has been repeatedly yelled at for jacking off in the livingroom. The TV/Computer is in direct view of the front door and he's too deaf to hear anyone come in so it's always BAM facefull of dick. Hopefully your roommates will listen to you more than mine did. It took three months of constantly being told no to get him to quit.
GhostFox 34
This sounds like a potential exhibition fetish... Or someone who gets off on the risk of being caught, but not the reality. That said, that is so unsanitary it isn't funny. Make a pamphlet with house rules and update it each month, with everyone getting a personal copy.
j3remy_fml 12
Seems like a sticky situation.