Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
Today, my mom was on the phone when she decided to blurt out that she got me probiotics for my stomach issues. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
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Top comments
T9FTW 20
Welp, now you're both leaking.
Welshite 39
You would think people would know better by now: don't ever accuse a woman being on her period; EVER.
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Comments (179)
snugglesMcGee199 23
Your mom went overboard, but next time, instead of being a smartass, how about you ask her what's wrong and try to cheer her up?
wafflefriez91 17
I hope she didn't give you to much because thay can kill you.
liaRawr 9
That's a good one!!!
xx_bee_xx 0
Definitely thought she legitimately glued you to the toilet for a second.. but at least you have your phone right...? ;)
Blahblah9921 4
ha wow @rackmill
sugarpoppaige 6
For a second I thought you meant literally glued to the toilet...
Annjelina 11
Maybe you shouldn't have been such a douche.
gatorgirl2669 6
Never mess with the person who fixes your food.. you never know what might end up end it...
Baller_Bob 17
There's your answer
DerangedAngel 0
I actually find this quiet funny I haven't got my period yet but my Freind gets super duper pissed if I ask if that's the reason she sometimes acts like a bitch