Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML
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Top comments
Jaxro 6
Why is it when people see hand lotion they automatically think of masturbation? I would have played it off as having dry skin.
SonicSophie 0
Hate to say it, but you deserved it!
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Comments (113)
7_______7_______ 0
at least she knows how to change the background... 21st century and my mom doesn't even understand that a laptop can still run if it's unplugged...
yake12 0
^ this
itsTiffany 0
Haha that sucks but YDI! Don't forget your lotion next time ;)
_violet_ 0
I don't get how she would tie hand lotion to masturbation. Just say you were using it as... oh I don't know... lotion for your hands?
rabbi1010 29
Maybe that tipped her off to look at the browser history.
unibrowicorn 0
what is it with all the epic mom/masterbating cases on this site? I have a giant bottle of lotion in my bathroom.I hope MY mom doesn't get suspicious of my lovely,not-dry skin...O_o
quesoesbueno59 0
At least you don't have the parents who told you not to ********** at all. They leave it open so that you can use your own computer.
Geeky_Warrior 0
ouch... but yeah, did ya leave the history up too? if then you're pretty ******. Sorries :3 #11, I used to think that in this day and age, how could any adult not know how to use a computer properly? But then I thought, I bet my mom can change a diaper and do tons of stuff that I can't . It's all in perspective :P
fmobus 0
The fact you need hand lotion for masturbating tells me you are circumsized (sp?). Gotta love americans... mutilate your children so they won't **********.
yake12 0
win
danielr1219 0
just cuz your circomsized doesnt mean you need lotion..
thirdbase1733 0
its a religious sect. God instructed Abraham or someone to circumsize his servants and family
Puolukka 4
#17 you crack me up...that's what I think all the time :P
wholeon 0
Actually, #19, it is done in an attempt to repress sexuality, lust, etc. Basically anything that doesn't lead to baby-makin' for Jesus. Though #17, I never made the connection quite so clearly...I'm always just like "WTF are these dudes DOING?!" I, too, use lotion on my hands. Get some KY like a normal person.
Callyn 47
#19: That's the original intention of American circumcision. People have forgotten that and deceived themselves that it is healthier or more pleasurable for the woman, but it's pure genital mutilation.