Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML
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Top comments
Jaxro 6
Why is it when people see hand lotion they automatically think of masturbation? I would have played it off as having dry skin.
SonicSophie 0
Hate to say it, but you deserved it!
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Comments (113)
yesmy_love 0
"Today, i found some lotion my son left by the computer after he masturbated to ****. The bottle was sticky....... FML"
letsparty2night 0
lol the bottle was sticky. wow, this sounds like an fml my boyfriend would do. his personal laptop doesnt work right, so whenever he watches **** (or webcams with me) he has to be on the family computer. i think think the OP deserved it for forgeting the lotion after
amykillswitch 0
sounds like a fair request to me. don't leave your shit out next time. even if it wasn't used to yank your crank.
rukusrazor 0
Get a job, get your own wank-top. (or a girlfriend / boyfriend)
sirfuzzitoes 0
see, this is why i got my own computer. lesson learned. and thanks to you (assumingly) non-americans for giving me the heads up on my parents mutilating my body. here, i thought i was normal, but it turns out im just a freak.
Callyn 47
#25, you are normal in America. Far too many people here are suckered into the belief that circumcision actually does something helpful. It's an evil practice.
Art_Vandeley 0
your mom is pretty cool.
Supergenius 0
A lot of anger here from the people that think having weiners that look like dog weiners is somehow superior. A friend of mine is uncircumsized and the first time he pulled it out when he was with his now wife she said "ew" hahahaha
Zoa_fml 0
I think she asked you in the most polite, least accusatory way she could! I def wouldn't want to use a comp that was covered with ****!
AnimeJet 0
lol @ circumcision comments, i can see this turning into a giant flame war later. #28, his wife was an immature little girl. Sucks to be him.
Supergenius 0
#30 I agree, but still it's pretty gross if you've never seen one in all it's terrifying natural glory before.