Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
cuteerica710 9
You shouldnt be moved in together if you're not comfortable with him knowing the fact that you poop
StephLovesYouuxo 1
Umm if he loves you he won't care. Besides, if it's that big ..change your diet maybe? Cause that's kinda gross
yessirre 4
Dirrrrtttyyy
Rick_E_Fresh 0
Ever heard of Benefiber?
irishbadluck 6
I actually laughed out loud.
SrakaSrakasta 20
What the hell is wrong with american toilets and plumbing?? I have never in my life heard of anyone in my country clogging a toilet just by taking a shit, ffs
xgetxbentx 13
Sorry but ydi, you obviously shouldn't be living together if you're worried about that. Invest in a plunger and pay attention when you flush.
imjusthungry 8
but ew, public bathrooms.
mikepattonfan 0
......aaaah shit! That sux OP
loser_lover95 9
Flush as you go!