Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
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Top comments
Randyrhoads1994 11
Everyone gets nervous, I'm sure you could explain that you were nervous and you didn't sleep well.
devildog562 33
Explain to them the situation. Ace the polygraph and go be a civil servant my friend. Kind of sucks, hope things work out op.
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Comments (60)
infectedsense 15
I'm also really surprised they would use a polygraph, those.results aren't even admissible in court. I wonder if an anxiety sufferer would actually do BETTER, since you'd be just as nervous during the control questions...maybe that's the trick!
Ipsum629 13
well, you're boned.
ShadowStarEXE 35
I'm on the fence for this one. I can understand that you're nervous, but I also think you shouldn't have to be so nervous unless you had something you really wanted to hide from them. I voted for both.
trumpy 9
thats not such a bad thing to have to fess up...its not like you missed it cuz you were busy murdering someone :p
Diddlydoo1632 18
Polygraph tests don't actually do anything. If you don't sweat, or if you keep your heart rate down, it will say you aren't lying. People are told they were lying just because they were nervous
1thatonedude1 15
polygraph tests are pseudoscience, they don't look at the graph they look at how you react to being tested
noblekent 6
In the US it's illegal to require a polygraph test as a condition of employment