Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
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Top comments
Randyrhoads1994 11
Everyone gets nervous, I'm sure you could explain that you were nervous and you didn't sleep well.
devildog562 33
Explain to them the situation. Ace the polygraph and go be a civil servant my friend. Kind of sucks, hope things work out op.
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Comments (60)
zaxvriin 1
Why is it the criminals always apply to be cops?
schhichick 14
no doughnuts?
Saluton 18
heck! I want doughnuts now
an3ph 20
I hope you get the job, sir. Thank you for being willing to serve your community.
Saluton 18
such a nervous cop? wow, looks like your job will make a good comedy plot
Princess_meem 5
why didn't you set the alarm?
apineapple 40
The OP said he slept through his alarm.
seriouslygrowup 11
Princesses doesn't need to read the entire thing before commenting, didn't you know? :)
Ki11erC 18
I don't et he last part, you could t lie about sleeping in? But that's the truth... You don't need to lie about it and in theory try would be able to see that. I say in theory though because a polygraph is extremely unreliable wen ignoring the classic pin under the foot trick.
knight2109 12
I don't get why there are so many missing letters. And there are much better, less painful ways to break a polygraph test, like think of something arousing during control questions.
YouDontNomie 9
I can't sleep when I know something big is coming up next day either. It sucks .-.
xwendifferx 16
Explain the situation. Good luck!
xluciferx666 21
Can't lie on a polygraph unless you are Steven Seagal..or Jesus
xoterra 2
I'm confused...you said you couldn't lie about sleeping in, but you did oversleep, so how would it be a lie?
LyricaSilvan 29
He's saying he didn't want to admit that he slept in, but he has to because of the polygraph.