Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do - FML

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 40 302

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 800

You deserved it 7 171

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 194

You deserved it 5 933

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 730

You deserved it 8 310

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 296

You deserved it 3 806

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 670

You deserved it 9 391

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 077

You deserved it 8 753

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 1 195

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 683

You deserved it 4 142

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 1 793

By alix - 24/08/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 313

You deserved it 3 099

Next

Top comments

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

BcICan08 1

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:05

you're an idiot.

groupleader 7

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:12

Funny, the dog read yours in 3 seconds....

br0ccoli 14

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:22

As ridiculous as this sounds, someone already beat you to it. There's a machine that analyzes dog barks and translates it into English. "hello, I am Fido. I've been holding in my urine for three hours. I need to go. Also, I have not been fed."

chels1994 11

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:23

There's literally nothing else you can do around where you live? Hell, take the dog for a walk or something...anything really

HahaYDI 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:26

YOLO ;D

gracehi 31

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:29

Um... Why?

perdix 29

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:56

Why did you quit so soon? When I read my dog's mind, usually the best parts come out in the seventh or eighth hour. Now, get back to it!

happymom2g 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:00

Robby?

OfficeNinja 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:11

The answer to your mind reading quest was "my owner is an idiot. I hope the fool remembers to feed me today".

lazypopo 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:11

I think dog whisperer should not be a future career choice for you. Try again next time.

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Keywords

Lonely Dentist Sadness Health OCD Relatable Mental health Parents Argument Kids Awkward Work Animals Cats Underwear Intimacy Miscellaneous Bikes Camping Friends Vacation Boredom Annoying Music Transportation Jewelry Love AITA Cars Embarrassing

The Top

Today, we were supposed to go on a weekend camping trip with our Scout troop. On Thursday I wasn't feeling well but I made it through school okay. Dad forced me to pack up immediately after school, even though I felt worse. I threw up on the porch on the way out. Dad thinks I did this on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 51

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 481

You deserved it 4 934

The Top

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 901

You deserved it 5 133

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 134

You deserved it 3 947

Today, for my birthday, my friend bought me a book on how to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 366

You deserved it 3 383

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 127

You deserved it 13 601

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 039

You deserved it 4 329

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 991

You deserved it 7 641