Intimacy, Sex and Awkward: Not that handy

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 1 948

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 10:51 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 326

You deserved it 1 905

By aranya - 14/06/2012 22:51 - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 834

You deserved it 3 892

More reasons to stay at home

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 1 166

By Lonely - 12/09/2009 11:53 - Australia

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 586

You deserved it 8 412

Social distancing is a thing

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 19:58 - Germany

Today, I met a guy at a bar. Went home, got condoms, had sex. Also got Covid. First one night stand in four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 1 647

By power corrupts... - 07/08/2011 20:29 - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 12 057

Pissed

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 20:00 - South Africa - Alberton

Today, I went to the movies with some friends. During the movie, I really needed to pee but didn’t want to disturb anyone. So, I waited and waited. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and bolted to the bathroom… only to get locked out of the theater in the process. The staff had to escort me back in during the end credits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 100

Snitch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 629

You deserved it 20 705

By Sleeper_C3ll - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 140

You deserved it 2 880

He enjoyed himself way too much

By Galo - 30/01/2022 19:58

Today, I had to clean cum from one of the seats of the movie theater where I work at as a cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 120

bloopaloop 27

Tuesday 31 March 2020 3:49

I think you can go there as much as you want!

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 March 2020 2:37

If you gave him a good handjob, free movies for life!

Comments

WistayShlaio82 13

Tuesday 31 March 2020 2:06

Maybe ease up on the drinking from now on since you’re giving favors to guys that can only get a job at a theatre.

Marcella1016 31

Tuesday 31 March 2020 6:50

Yep favors like that only go to those worthy white-collar guys! ...

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 March 2020 2:37

If you gave him a good handjob, free movies for life!

rhett 5

Tuesday 31 March 2020 14:17

Probably true even it it was a bad one

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 31 March 2020 18:15

Nah, a bad handjob is so shameful, you hope the giver just vanishes from the earth in an anticlimactic puff of smoke. They can't even pull off the simplest sexual favor. To hell with them!