Awkward and Intimacy: Not now - FML

Not now

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 460

You deserved it 6 650

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Same thing different taste

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 487

You deserved it 11 066

By Shantwozzlah - 26/03/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 839

You deserved it 3 581

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 321

You deserved it 6 181

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Spicy

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 104

You deserved it 3 780

By mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 147

You deserved it 4 703

By whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 616

You deserved it 3 261

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 759

You deserved it 5 146

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Spicy

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 4 028

Road rage gone feral

By 16590 - 15/06/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 327

You deserved it 4 844

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 699

You deserved it 1 639

Next

Top comments

Jacobt24 19

Monday 8 August 2011 8:52

He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean

jumpshot23 0

Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.

Comments

sourgirl101 28

Monday 8 August 2011 9:27

There's a cruise control for a reason. JK I watched "Steven King's- Thinner" and gypsies now scare me.

DMC_Hotness 0

Monday 8 August 2011 9:35

**additional manual transmission joke**

mrahhhhh 21

Monday 8 August 2011 9:41

Did he put it out the window and say, "Oh my God, honey look at that giant windsock outside!" too? That's one of the few ways to make it more awesome.

Deeznutzhairy 7

Monday 8 August 2011 9:57

Why would you make him do that? let that thing dang low

Jaxx66 21

Monday 8 August 2011 20:17

Your picture scares the shit out of me btw

cmars3 7

Monday 8 August 2011 22:06

Scares me too lol

Deeznutzhairy 7

Monday 8 August 2011 23:06

Thanks?

ErocX85 0

Monday 8 August 2011 10:07

you should've taken care of that before you left the house.

Petal23 11

Monday 8 August 2011 10:37

HE should've taken care of that before leaving the house.

kittea86 0

Monday 8 August 2011 10:09

omg i have the same issue w my husband!

XxgreymoonxX 8

Monday 8 August 2011 10:10

ha I like that guy xD sounds like a catch ;D

0pt1mus 6

Monday 8 August 2011 11:10

Then you'll like me ;)

XxgreymoonxX 8

Monday 8 August 2011 11:52

ha you're not shy dx

Treyfecta 0

Monday 8 August 2011 10:21

Lolololololololol

corleon198425 22

Monday 8 August 2011 10:32

Lmao

Amrel 10

Monday 8 August 2011 10:42

Is there a fine for having your penis out now? First phones now this:(

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Keywords

Gamers Love Video games Gross Weird Health First Dates Smells Technology Parents Kids Annoying Jealousy Animals Dogs AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Gun control Relatable Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media

The Top

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 2 174

Today, I found out that morning after pills don't work if you're already ovulating. I also found out that I might become a father wayyyy sooner than expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 560

The Top

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 673

You deserved it 3 827

Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 612

You deserved it 288

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 574

You deserved it 4 590

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 436

You deserved it 2 796

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 4 467

Today, I found out that the degree I'd assumed I had for the last 10 years was invalid due to a clerical error. Surely it'd be an easy fix? Nope. Both the degree structure and the admin system have been entirely changed between now and then. I'd have to study for two more years to validate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 101