Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked, "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. At the hospital, a nurse asked how far along I was and boom, one ultrasound later, I’m actually pregnant. I had to then convince multiple doctors that I did not in fact throw myself down the stairs trying to cause miscarriage before they’d let me go home. FML
Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML
Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML
Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, at work, I had an accident and cracked a rib. I got taken to hospital where I got checked over. The doctor said it was a good job I hadn't got a chest infection nor a cold. Funny you should say that doc, I have both. She replied, "Well, that's bad…" FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML
Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML
Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML
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Top comments
MarryMeFry 10
Martian babies don't show up on the pregnancy tests.
iranoutofnames 6
you have an awesome sense of humor. I love you
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Comments (110)
birk24 0
I think the problem was the shitty joke
mickeyroxsox 2
that's not very funny but nice try buddy
qtpnaidimplez 0
it's routine to do a head CT after a fall to check for a brain bleed.
1337chick 4
I was in the hospital last week too, and they gave me a pregnancy test despite the fact that I told them I wasn't sexually active and they confirmed that I had my period by poking around my ******. WTF. I hate doctors.
bkillam 0
yay cause laughing at your own jokes is cool. FYL, bid
jumping_duckie 0
LMAO this is brilliant, this deserves to be up there with the top FMLs
0gamer0 0
I don't get it...
jessamy_brit 5
Why did you have to take a pregnancy test for a fall??
fishyrael 29
X-rays can have negative effects on a fetus. You have to take one to see if it's safe to have an X-ray and not damage your baby.
daisiebud 18
1) that's hillarious, and 2) once I made a joke during a check-up at the doctor's office, and she didn't get it. it was the most awkward thing of my life. i feel your pain.
RoseChuck 3
Whenever you come in and admit you fell, they are supposed to do a head CT. Idiot