Animals, Awkward and Birds: No, Drake, no - FML

No, Drake, no

By dumb cats - 24/10/2020 05:01 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking near a pond when we saw a drake forcefully mating with a duck. She burst into tears and demanded I stop them. When I told her no, that it’s just nature and thats how they breed, she dumped me for supporting and "enabling rape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 200

You deserved it 704

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Same thing different taste

Cool moves, Dahmer

By IwantOff - 09/10/2022 07:30

Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 05/05/2013 19:35 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 903

You deserved it 6 021

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 2 887

Toxic masculinity

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 08:00

Today, my uncle was showing the scars he got fighting a wolf in defence of his wife. On the drive home, my girlfriend dumped me because she could never see me being man enough to fight a wolf for her. She made me stop the car so she could catch a bus back to her mom's house and never see me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 127

By duckwater - 01/03/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 827

You deserved it 4 124

By whysheheartless - 03/11/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 885

You deserved it 3 060

City boy

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend realised that I’m from the part of Louisiana where we hunt gators for food, and dumped me because he doesn’t want to be a city boy who ends up fathering redneck kids, and having to sail through swamps to visit the in-laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 181

By Outfoxed - 07/08/2018 22:00

Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 720

You deserved it 690

Toxic

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 23:01

Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 160

Double dump

By dumped - 10/03/2011 21:42 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 517

You deserved it 4 023

Next

Top comments

Charlie Given 26

Saturday 24 October 2020 15:23

Umm sounds like she may be a rape survivor and seeing that was a trigger.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 24 October 2020 17:45

Was Drake telling the duck it was "God's Plan?"

Comments

BoulderDashTank19141 6

Thursday 29 October 2020 19:19

Good for her

peterblack67 9

Monday 25 January 2021 3:47

She's nuts.

randybryant799 20

Tuesday 13 July 2021 8:04

She's an idiot.

Keywords

Teenagers Love Friends Embarrassing Intimacy Sex Revenge Work Food Awkward Parents Relatable Miscellaneous Weird Health Job interview Facebook Social Media Jealousy Relationship advice AITA Kids Shoes Annoying Roommate Music Names Customers Money Education

The Top

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 560

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert." Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 153

You deserved it 68 065

The Top

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 139

You deserved it 1 610

Today, I lost the keys to my office in the morning. I had to find an excuse for my boss to lend me his set and copy them. At night when I got home, I realized that along with the keys to the office, I also lost the keys to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 527

You deserved it 1 448

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 138

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 920

You deserved it 50 965

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler's" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 753

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 425

You deserved it 6 395