By Catherine - 13/5/2021 11:01

Nice guy

Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML
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Not sure where you live, but in a lot of places there are often resources available to help people get out of abusive situations such as this.

whoever you trust in your life, may be able to help get you in touch or aid in other ways as well.

By  Kristin Gonzalez  |  5

I had a gal friend with a very similar story. Except this happened to her twice and both times her bf and her family practically forced the abortion pill down her throat. It really fucked her up mentally.

I guess what I am trying to say is, find someone trustworthy to confide in over this and get away from the bf swiftly, without raising his alarms. You need support and a clear mind to make YOUR right decision right now. It just might be the hardest decision you ever have to make so there's no space for toxicity like him right now.

COMMENTS

Not sure where you live, but in a lot of places there are often resources available to help people get out of abusive situations such as this.

whoever you trust in your life, may be able to help get you in touch or aid in other ways as well.

By  myfakeacc  |  12

hes a cunt

but having been in a relationship for 5 years surely expectations were set.

why weren't you both on birth control

Perhaps moving back in with your parents is an option

By  QueenSaru  |  28

I mean, yeah he's an asshole, but pregnancy is a two-person decision and if you've been together five years and not had that discussion and/or you didn't involve him in this decision... YDI.

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  QueenSaru  |  28

Fair enough, but my point was more that OP seems surprised by her BF's reaction, which means likely they have NOT have the 'are we/when are we' having kids discussion which is really really important in LTRs specifically for accidents/BC failures/etc.

OP is not an idiot for potentially getting pregnant while on BC, OP may however be an idiot (and BF is too on top of being an asshole) for being with someone for five years and not having a plan about kids.

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  1known  |  29

Birth control is a man’s matter too.
If the guy didn’t want to be a dad, he could have talked about it and taken the necessary precaution to not get op’s pregnant.
His reaction makes things worst.

By  ojoRojo  |  27

Do you have any family who could help? Do you have a doctor you could talk to? Please reach out for help however you can. As others have said, there are likely some resources and/or programs available to you.

By  Kristin Gonzalez  |  5

I had a gal friend with a very similar story. Except this happened to her twice and both times her bf and her family practically forced the abortion pill down her throat. It really fucked her up mentally.

I guess what I am trying to say is, find someone trustworthy to confide in over this and get away from the bf swiftly, without raising his alarms. You need support and a clear mind to make YOUR right decision right now. It just might be the hardest decision you ever have to make so there's no space for toxicity like him right now.

By  Brightside86  |  23

That situation is one of my greatest fears.

it's interesting that the morning after pill holds no stigma but the abortion pill feels like a weighty decision. When it's basically the same thing, except the abortion pill gives you about 11 weeks to decide if you're ready or not.

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  It_gets_better  |  14

Probably because the morning after pill prevents implantation of the embryo and a lot of people feel you aren't actually pregnant if it hasn't implanted yet but abortion pills force it out after it has already implanted.
So you could say one prevents the pregnancy and the other terminates an established pregnancy.

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  Brightside86  |  23

That's good to know thanks. I've always consider pregnancy to happen when sperm merges with egg. Implantation of the embryo happens about 5-6 days later, interesting that we've picked that point to raise the moral ante.

By  tgem  |  4

Keep the baby, trust me, I was put in the same ultimatum and my EX was abusive as well. Best decision I made, especially because I never knew the amount of support I received would be so overwhelming and full of love. It was such a gamble on how my baby would be personality and temper-wise, honestly he is one of the happiest kids I have ever known, I am complimented on his happiness all the time.
I really am hoping for the best for you, after 5 years you would think a guy is ready to commit, not just to you, but to a future with you that you both build together.

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  QueenSaru  |  28

As much as I'm glad things turned out well for you, please please please without knowing OP's support system DON'T tell them to just keep it on the hopes things don't end poorly.

If OP is going to be homeless without her boyfriend it sounds like she doesn't have much in the way of a supportive family and it's unlikely she's in a position to support herself as well a child. You can't just put a kid on a shelf when you have no food, no home, no support, etc.

It's not responsible to just have it with no forethought to everything that goes with it.