Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML
Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
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Top comments
Angelice_fml 0
Ouch, I'm really sorry. ): People take things too far these days.
drawmesunshine 17
Perhaps the male employees felt left out. Maybe at your next job, you should compliment their looks and offer them foot rubs, too. Think of this as a learning experience.
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Comments (209)
Tmoney20 3
To be honest your probably not very good looking, probably a bit creepy and I bet annoying... I say a lot worse things to females at my job and the just joke back or laugh... It's not what your saying, I bet it's you and they might just not like it coming form you! I'm sorry bro but u have to know that they're not going to rat you out before u say things..
holdenthemonkey 3
Ralph, first off we didn't just fire you for offering foot massages to the females here; we found 8 pairs of their missing shoes in your locker. Second when you compliment women after they come in from the rain and their white tops are now transparent, we, as most employers don't view that as a compliment. Take your 'free candy' van and good riddance to you! You will not be missed.
listicka 5
As usually there are two sides of the story. Looks like he is not victim after all.
desireev 17
I don't believe for a minute that you worked in the same workplace as him. Take your shitty comments elsewhere!!!
xSorry_fml 10
Try not offering to massage their feet with your ****.
hellonyancat 6
I would find this awkward but not awkward enough to complain about. I would just shrug it off. Everyone has different boundaries though.
MisterMichael 9
So basically ur gay
MrsKitty86 9
I'll take that foot rub right about now! :-)
savona01 7
That's super creepy man!
matt120784 0
Herman Cain, is that you?
Jasonf6 0
Never compliment women at work. Chances are one will have a grudge and take it out on you.
sunshineruby 7
That seems kinda creepy! Who offers to rub someone's feet if it's not a significant other? Gross! foot fetish much?