Intimacy: New one

New one

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

agreeclassic 3 533

vote type 1 482

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

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My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

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By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

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By TheGirl - 23/11/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

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By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

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lovelyhippos 15

Friday 7 February 2020 20:02

Where did he get the yogurt from? Did you not notice him stop to go get yogurt?

Steve Knight 13

Saturday 8 February 2020 6:21

Gives a new meaning to yoplait.

Comments

Jessica Beeler 2

Thursday 13 February 2020 8:37

some say it helps in preventing yeast infections so that a +

howudoin 0

Monday 25 May 2020 2:08

nothing wrong with trying new things!

IWillBeAIAm 14

Thursday 23 July 2020 1:30

What in the ****. Lol I was not expecting this 😂

arious 4

Monday 31 August 2020 23:04

Probiotics are good for you. Yum! Yum! Slurp,slurp. A little tart but good.

arious 4

Monday 31 August 2020 23:05

Probiotics are good

arious 4

Tuesday 1 September 2020 1:14

Any pics?

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Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

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Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

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Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says, "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

agreeclassic 58 819

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Nice try, guy.

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Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

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Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

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New one

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