Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML
Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
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Top comments
FlyingPie 17
At first I thought the word "tips" was being used as a double entendre.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Anal sex tips from drunk mom? -changes porno-
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Comments (73)
Kenjikai 5
and I thought "the talk" with my parents was awkward enough. I can only imagine how weird this was.
SerenaSerenadex3 13
The start to a bad porno..
perdix 29
You mean there's more than one? After lots and lots and lots of lube, what else is there to know?
TheDrifter 23
Order of operations, the dangers of rapid insertion and withdrawal, scented vs flavored lubes.
ChibiChibi_fml 27
If the OP were female there would be plenty for making it less painful. However, since the OP is male I think we're entering into darker territory. Things like "be sure to wait until she's taken a crap, unless your into that."
ShawnBushOG 9
shiiiiiiet thats a awkward convo.
fsomelife 26
As if you assked.
bach2121 13
Anal sex is SO gross! I'll never do it. Leave it to gay men.
olpally 32
Well, shit. Lol.
fsomelife 26
I really doubt that's one of the tips.
crisanba 18
Oh god!!!!
FrankHotpants 31
Is it me or does every weird sex related FML come from Canada?
skinnybyotch 16
Ya we're into some freaky things here in Canada :p
Trisha_aus 15
I must pay a visit soon. Love Canadians and your Tim Horton's coffee!
AngrySailor 17
There's not much here to do once the sled dogs are fed and the toques are washed.
graceinsheepwear 33
First the octomom, now the eneMA.