Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
animalxcrackers 20
well, it's called self-meditation for a reason, i guess.
DocBastard 40
For all you women out there, EVERY guy has tried this at least once. And any guy who denies trying it is lying his ass off.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
kumarina 35
I think that every guy would try it
HiNowDie 17
I bet your dad heard you guys one day and was just like "Hmm.."
worldclassrager 41
Either way it's not possible...
Duh_0811 17
haven't you heard the joke, why does a dog lick his balls? answer: "because he can"
jellybeens_fml 16
Thats enough internet for today..
katydid91 31
Always trust Clorox for life's most bleach-able moments.
bobslawnservice 16
The secret is that it is not about flexibility but the size of your member. Or so they say...
trolled11 8
its physically imposible, there is ribs stoping us from that
mxij 13
Auto-fellatio. Who needs women anymore?
davincidasecond 24
Well, it's better than looking for someone other than his wife to do it, I guess. But it's nothing that you should have the displeasure of waking in on. FYL my friend.