Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
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Top comments
animalxcrackers 20
well, it's called self-meditation for a reason, i guess.
DocBastard 40
For all you women out there, EVERY guy has tried this at least once. And any guy who denies trying it is lying his ass off.
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Comments (124)
Omfgitsmia 15
What an eyesore lol
Kershaw45 9
Makes me wonder why we knock.
DocBastard 40
For all you women out there, EVERY guy has tried this at least once. And any guy who denies trying it is lying his ass off.
linebacker30 6
Let me tell u y that's bulls*#*. Most guys aren't that flexible, no offense to those who r, but if any guy does that then he is either A: insane B: gay ( I have no problem with gays, everyone makes their own choices) C or extremely curious. Although y they'd be curious about that is beyond me
noobienick 19
I can vouch for this.
thecman25 14
Not Every guy has tried this.
UrYousername 15
You gave him the idea...
steve26113 7
That must have been a "wtf are you doing" moment and him trying to explain himself..
stiansr 8
At least he's got a goal for his life.
kayray11 14
Lol why would you make that joke about your dad
Bunny21 11
Seems like your dad is highly independent lmao
Edumcg 24
Maybe he was trying to eat a Froot Loop that was inside his belly button? you never know.
cathrope 10
You deserve both YDI AND YLS. You derserve it for giving him the idea, and your life sucks for catching him sucking himself off.
SilverInGray 25
"Behind his back"