Sex, Alcohol, Drunk and Neighbours: More than I'd like to know

More than I'd like to know

By Anonymous - 26/06/2023 22:00

Today, I had to restrain my neighbour because he and his wife were so stoned that they were trying to have sex on my lawn. I got close enough to find out they have matching genital piercings, a ring through her clitoris and an identical ring in his penis. I need therapy, or alcohol, lots of alcohol FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 164

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Same thing different taste

Soundproofing

By Anonymous - 18/05/2024 19:00

Today, after days of hearing our new neighbour abusing his wife, my wife went round to confront him while on the phone with the police. Turns out they are just really into their BDSM and had no idea how loud they were being. They have costumes, toys and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 165

Chapter and verse

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 14:15

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "Love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 515

You deserved it 1 542

Is everything OK?

By ehbe - 27/11/2008 08:52 - France

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shouted back in unison: "We're fucking! Go away!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 081

You deserved it 8 202

By bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 779

You deserved it 2 900

Fantasy world

By whathef???? - 13/02/2010 06:51 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 914

You deserved it 7 923

Creeper Alert

By of fucking course - 05/09/2017 06:00

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 150

You deserved it 897

Neighborly

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 23:00

Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 117

By AmberHavoc - 02/01/2013 15:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 998

You deserved it 46 802

By AussieG75 - 21/07/2012 04:48 - United States - Saint Augustine

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 391

You deserved it 2 552

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 14:00

Today, I found out that when my neighbors throw a party, it includes guests having sex in my garage, and relieving themselves on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 107

cuz803 44

Monday 26 June 2023 23:29

No. Get therapy and hit the gym. Don't drink the pain away... Sorry you saw a porno in person 😂

JasonThorn 20

Thursday 29 June 2023 15:37

The fact that you hadn't dialed 911 the moment you saw them on your lawn is telling. You just watched them instead.

Comments

cuz803 44

Monday 26 June 2023 23:29

No. Get therapy and hit the gym. Don't drink the pain away... Sorry you saw a porno in person 😂

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 27 June 2023 3:10

Why go to the gym? I've never seen one with an electroshock machine that can zap traumatic memories.

JasonThorn 20

Thursday 29 June 2023 15:37

The fact that you hadn't dialed 911 the moment you saw them on your lawn is telling. You just watched them instead.

smiley_219 2

Friday 30 June 2023 1:48

I’m curious how and why you got close enough to inspect their piercings?

SirEnigM0nk 22

Friday 30 June 2023 4:15

Careful what you ask for.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 511

You deserved it 15 067

Today, I realized that I’ve been using the same alarm clock ringtone for so long that I now associate it with pure dread, even when I hear it being used in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 108

The Top

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 3 004

Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 2 686

Today, my friend and I were walking down my neighborhood when he joked that my car was being stolen when one that looked exactly like it passed. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 843

You deserved it 1 507

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 526

You deserved it 5 362

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 383

You deserved it 2 912

Today, before watching the new Pinocchio, we decided to watch the cartoon one from the 1940’s. Turns out, when I was a kid, the scene where the evil Coachman’s face turns demonic traumatised me. I’d forgotten until I saw the face again. I’m 56 years-old but I froze up and peed myself in my armchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 291

Same thing different taste

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