Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
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Top comments
abNormal62 23
Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"
SweetSociopathy 24
Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.
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Comments (63)
kayj905 15
Thats a pretty shitty thing to do.
creatureman 14
You should feel bad about that pun.
Dave_Davington 34
You get a lot of shit for making puns like that, nowadays.
kayj905 15
What about #4's comment?
Grenith 21
They tried harder than you.
Nahpets 22
What a shitty expirience FYL
larrena2377 26
Experience*
MrConcise 35
Your profile picture added to your "shitty" spelling makes you seem perpetually high.
pinque 19
Really you couldn't have came up with something better
abNormal62 23
Clearly the lack of hygiene rubbed you the wrong way
nityasomaiya 46
Oh poop! That's one hell of a shituation.
TheBelt 19
Now that's a pun
peacheso 31
#4s comment is original.
Cads1 24
Lol, is he still the man of your dreams?
sturschaedel 27
Not so dreamy now, I guess.
psychopolarbear 28
Technically, nightmares are dreams too. OP never specified if they were the "good" dreams or not lol
abNormal62 23
Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"
meliodafool_ 15
your wit is punbelievable.
smackaroonial 20
This is the most original, hilarious comment I have ever laid my eyes on. I hereby dub you, Comment King.
shay_serendipity 29
This is one of the few comments that actually made me laugh out loud, kudos to your witty pun!
RoboCunnilingus 23
Yeah, this comment is incredibly clever.
alex_622 22
Sorry OP. Maybe it's time to find a new man of your dreams...one that uses toilet paper
nityasomaiya 46
Doesn't he even believe in using the washroom?
tellyc 27
Maybe you could introduce him to some toilet paper
gintwinsmoore 20
nah, #9, that's just too much work!
Arwen_Evenstar 37
There are some imperfections a partner shouldn't have to fix.
drshn 22
Oh god!! not a good start to the for day for both of us. You, for experiencing it and for me due to reading.