Animals, Cats and Painful: Little cutie

Little cutie

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I recommend that you think twice about whether you want your little cutie playing with your apron strings while you cook. Especially if your little cutie is of the kind equipped with claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 519

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Demon child

By Some Guy - 12/10/2015 00:54 - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a two year-old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me, started crying, and stabbed me right in the foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 361

You deserved it 2 769

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 250

You deserved it 5 273

By Mak10 - 10/12/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 297

You deserved it 36 975

The blame game

By stupid child - 24/03/2023 10:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 616

By cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 970

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 076

You deserved it 34 020

Kitchen Nightmares

By just the tip, though - 28/01/2014 17:06 - United States - Grovetown

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 014

You deserved it 11 923

By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 17:05 - United States - Miami

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch it because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 239

You deserved it 31 702

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 506

You deserved it 28 622

Science has gone too far

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 22:00

Today, I watched our very clever cat turn on our oven with ease. I now fear for my children's lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 134

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RichardPencil 30

Thursday 7 September 2023 8:17

Your children have claws?

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Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 372

It's great to see you ! How was july ? Hot, sweaty, flirty ? How I miseed talking to you (and getting one or two comments if we're lucky enough). But let's not complain, a whole month welcoming artists for their second rounds who gave us brand new il...

I agree, your life sucks 8

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The Top

Today, my mom came home unusually early from work and walked in on me hooking up with a guy. What made it more embarrassing is the fact that I’m 19 and my hookup is 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 773

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 229

You deserved it 322

Today, I asked the girl who has a crush on me if she was autistic. She replied without hesitation, "I can be whatever you want me to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 1 087

Today, after helping my grandma to clear out and renovate her house, she tells me that the only reason she doesn’t hate me is because God will hate her if she does. All because I threw out a pack of biscuits with an expiry date of Nov 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 82

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 503

You deserved it 4 000

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 763

You deserved it 4 444