Shopping, ACAB and Miscellaneous: Just joking, dude!

Just joking, dude!

By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 266

You deserved it 4 219

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By whyme - 12/09/2013 14:44 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 746

You deserved it 4 576

By Anonymous - 15/11/2012 19:47 - Ireland

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 638

You deserved it 2 483

Smooth

By godzilllla - 08/08/2015 01:59 - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 374

You deserved it 11 800

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 17:39 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 561

You deserved it 41 806

By kinlin - 02/06/2018 19:00

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 078

You deserved it 933

Stealth

By smellyhair - 02/11/2014 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 129

You deserved it 3 848

By what's a rimjob between friends? - 06/09/2013 21:42 - United States - Boston

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 084

You deserved it 4 442

Parent #1 of the Year

By no i'm sure you're a responsible parent - 09/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 17:26 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 317

You deserved it 5 165

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 360

You deserved it 22 608

ThreeSheetsGone 12

Monday 31 October 2011 18:04

Damn cops, always there when you don't need them, never there when you do.

ciarafox9 9

Monday 31 October 2011 18:08

This is when you shout.. Wait honey, aren't you going to pay for those things in your purse???

Comments

geeksaresexy 18

Monday 31 October 2011 18:15

Anyone else notice OP is apparently also a woman? Not that it makes a difference..

Blueglasscup 18

Sunday 13 May 2012 5:05

What. No it says he's a guy .

KBurns207 17

Thursday 4 July 2013 17:27

Not sure how you get that the OP is a female when the Username is spaceMANspiff78

Malkria 1

Monday 31 October 2011 18:29

POW right in the kisser

chelseaaababyyy 17

Monday 31 October 2011 18:37

i think you need to reread the fml..

LadyLol_fml 15

Monday 31 October 2011 18:45

Did you even get the gum in the end?? Priorities people!

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 31 October 2011 19:09

New 5-O gum.

herpitydurteedur 0

Monday 31 October 2011 19:27

I used to do the flinch when I was first going out with my now-fiancé. I knew he wasn't going to hit me, it was just when he would suddenly move his arm or hand like to give me a hug or hifive a friend I would hella flinch like a reflex cause my mom would beat the crap outtae when I was younger and if I ran away she would chase after me. It took a while but after a few months i stopped flinching. *Cue "cool story bro" comments*