Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML
Today, I made my niece cry when I told her that snakes are just tails with faces. She won't stop. FML
Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Nah, you should have gone all Crocodile Hunter on it, and wrestled "the snake" outside. You would have been hailed as a hero.
Pleonasm 36
He's a slithery one, that one.
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Comments (36)
JessicaZado 11
Your brother is clever
RoboCunnilingus 23
Tell your grandma that you didn't do it, and shed all guilt.
flockz 20
so you came out of the closet grasping your snake in front of grandma?
rg350dx 29
Is there any other way to come out of the closet? You either go big or go home.
flockz 20
it's not always "go big or go home" necessarily. it reminds me of an ancient teaching that i learned from a monk. "if your manhood's at stake, you can lie about the size of your snake. however, this could be a mistake that you're about to make. for when she sees how much room there is still left in your boxers, she will not want to partake. she will hit the brake. she will pretend that she can't stay awake, or that her back aches. even if you manage to slither into her dungeon, her reactions will all be fake. your love life will be gloomy and opaque and then she will flake leaving you with heartache. so don't boast about it being six, seven, eight, because there's so much more at stake. so be honest young flockz about the size of your c-" well i think the rest isn't necessary.
SlapAndTickle 20
According to Enslaved, everything is big in Texas. I guess you got left out. :O
chanellgymnast 17
Sneaky snake of a brother you have!
perdix 31
You seem to know a lot about your brother's rubber snake.
Enslaved 38
This is when you call up your brother and hand granny the phone! Got to do it while she's still in panic mode.
perdix 31
#22 and before she's rewritten her will!
HarroIAmBob 21
but snakes are cute! i have 2 of them!
flockz 20
-said about 0.347% of the world population.
Lilo4life 26
Old people are fragile. They need to be wrapped in bubble wrap and watch reruns of little house on the prairie. She's scared so give her a break.
TVKill3r 15
Maybe so but that doesn't mean he should take the fall for something he didn't do.
Getspmak 15
Kick your brothers ass!
worldclassrager 41
Better than a real snake right? anyone? Okay no... But really I would think since you got the blame your brother will have a huge smile not hiding the guilt at all...