Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
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Top comments
Nbarbosa 0
yay, Wasaaaaaabii!!!!! (Annoying orange =D)
allmidnighteyes 11
You sure know how to spice things up.
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Comments (90)
Goofy_au86 0
you are a tool
ahlun 0
lol you too
enonymous 9
Put some ginger on it you'll be fine and maybe later let him put some soy sauce in your belly button and use you as a human sushi plate.
CockRocket 0
@#14 No need to supply any extra fish either.
mariazzz 5
lmaoooooo
docscientist 10
"With quiet grace and dignity."
docscientist 10
"Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it."
desilovesandy 0
Suckss for You..
denvan 0
What a burn for your eye
StatusSearch 8
YDI for thinking you're dateable.
madeingeorgia 0
it could be worse!
ladyvidel 19
Good one, dumbass.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Another hint: if you've been handling spicy food, wash your hands *before* going to the bathroom.
schalk 12
..or whilst going
zbreezybee 2
If the date was good otherwise, and you didn't start swearing like a sailor, it's really not a big deal. So you acted a little like a spazz- if your date liked you, they probably thought it was funny/cute. I think a bigger issue might be you focusing on the elegance of your chopstick usage instead of your date. How you eat won't impress anyone, your ability to listen and hold a conversation will.
CockRocket 0
I don't know about that, if I went on a date with a girl who tried to eat Soup with her hands. Or just put her face into the plate and started eating it like a Dog. Then I might not call her back.
gogokira 5
Considering you're not supposed to eat sushi with chopsticks...
zbreezybee 2
45- I hope that's sarcasm. 31- I did say "it wouldn't impress anyone", implying that if she ate with royal manners, most people still wouldn't really care. The opposite can, of course, be true- if someone ate like a huge slob, it would be a turn off. Though I have to say, I am curious where you're going to find a girl who eats soup with her hands or licks the bowl like a dog, as anyone of dating age who does not have psychiatric or developmental issues of some sort would never do that (unless it's a dare, joke, etc).
alexFYL 11
You're actually not supposed to eat sushi with chopsticks. Sushi is too big and makes you look like a clumsy oaf.
Nychthemeron 2
49, I suppose anyone (myself included) who /can/ eat sushi without looking like a "clumsy oaf" are just a fair deal more sophisticated than you. It's quite possible to eat sushi with chopsticks, and far more rewarding than you stabbing it with a fork, or ungracefully using your fingers. Disgraceful.
alexFYL 11
@54 - Well that was a very strange way of admitting you don't know anything about manners and etiquette. It's okay though, by admitting that it makes it very easy to forgive you for being uncouth.
alexFYL 11
And for the record, *I* don't care if you look like a clumsy oaf, but that is the reason why sushi etiquette has you eating with your fingers, not chopsticks. There are a lot of interesting mannerisms about chopstick use... with the invention of the internet and search engines, it's really easy for you to learn.
ImThePope 2
"To eat sushi, clean your hands at first. Pick up nigiri-zushi (hand-pressed sushi) between your thumb and the index finger and the middle finger. Dip the end of the topping (not sushi rice side) in soysauce and bring the sushi to your mouth. It's good to eat the whole piece all at once if you can." This was quoted from a site on proper Japanese table manners. However, I will admit that I use chop sticks too eat sushi as well.