Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
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Top comments
Nbarbosa 0
yay, Wasaaaaaabii!!!!! (Annoying orange =D)
allmidnighteyes 11
You sure know how to spice things up.
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Comments (90)
Livinia 11
So did he call you back for a second date?
unsuccesfulmastu 4
man up don't dance around like a puss!
iR83 3
it's meant to be.. ;p
Kawboy 1
I'm just gonna guess you didn't make it to second base?!
gttogo2003 0
probably not lol
chanma 0
you could of excused yourself and went to the restroom before screaming like a pussy lol
PeteyPablo12308 20
I didn't know that "screeching in pain" could be classy...
stevenmx86 8
Didn't need to be so long.. Should have shortened to "Today I was proud that I was able to hold chopsticks. Fml" because that's a pretty lame thing to be proud of...
HeavyMetalViking 0
Meanwhile the Asians are proudly to be able to use the Fork and Knife elegantly and drink Chinese tea with straws.
HeavyMetalViking 0
*proud
Pizzamaster 0
go azn!
phiend99 4
Why did you have Wasabi on your fingers, if you had handled the chopsticks so "elegantly"? YDI for being such a moron and touching your sushi with your hands. Proper Japanese etiquette, don't touch your food with your hands.
alexFYL 11
Actually, proper Japanese etiquette for eating sushi is to eat it with your hands, chopsticks are only used for sashimi. It's also impolite to put more wasabi on your sushi - if your chef thought your sushi needed wasabi, he would have put it on there. And you're supposed to barely dip the fish side in soy sauce, and then eat it fish side down, in one bite.
zowieandzander77 1
looks like someone discovered what a thesaurus is....