How on Earth…?

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

Ouch!

Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML

Today, I cut myself on a band-aid box, while trying to get one out for another cut. FML

Great idea

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

Fragile

Today, I attempted to open a water bottle. My hand started bleeding before I was able to get the cap loose. FML

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

Butterfingers

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML