By Anonymous

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2705

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

Get it on, bang a gong

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Heartless

By Anonymous - 18/4/2020 08:00

Hello everyone!

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2157

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By Ceej - United States

Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47522

You deserved it

6654

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23942

You deserved it

3967

Tweet

Share

By Tag - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39072

You deserved it

3147

Tweet

Share

By joey - 9/3/2020 05:00

Zapped

Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1725

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80658

You deserved it

3691

Tweet

Share

By DBR - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58766

You deserved it

11415

Tweet

Share

By loner - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33923

You deserved it

5652

Tweet

Share

By NotYourTracy

Today, while on the bus, I started a conversation with the person next to me. After a little back and forth, she finally said, "Do you think people will stop talking to me if I say I have aids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2293

You deserved it

654

Tweet

Share

By Useless training - United States - Saint Charles

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47606

You deserved it

4730

Tweet

Share

By blahblah - United States - Richardson

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28372

You deserved it

35644

Tweet

Share

By crazygirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22349

You deserved it

5130

Tweet

Share

By tsakashvili - United States

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59727

You deserved it

18860

Tweet

Share

By smileytheface - United States

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28659

You deserved it

7155

Tweet

Share

By wtf

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4722

You deserved it

409

Tweet

Share

By Puppylove - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30821

You deserved it

10235

Tweet

Share

By not_very_smart - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47581

You deserved it

4823

Tweet

Share

By Not a programmer yet - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24631

You deserved it

1600

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27570

You deserved it

18807

Tweet

Share

By huwauw - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27898

You deserved it

7298

Tweet

Share

By Scottrick - United States

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61004

You deserved it

15576

Tweet

Share

By Local Welsh

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3602

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By Sonofaquiche

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4898

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By crap

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1469

You deserved it

580

Tweet

Share

By gerbilmaster - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30228

You deserved it

1825

Tweet

Share

By annoyed teen - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49388

You deserved it

4757

Tweet

Share

By dak-rod423 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32553

You deserved it

11669

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved back in with my parents in order to help them with the mortgage, so they don't lose the house that has been in our family for three generations. I also found out that I now have a curfew, and so does my husband and our 3 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38449

You deserved it

5075

Tweet

Share

By SummerGirl0009 - United States

Today, I discovered that the medicated eye drops I have been taking to fight a mild eye infection show up under black lights when I walked into a party and the whole left side of my face was glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35041

You deserved it

3773

Tweet

Share

By ritz - United States

Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10499

You deserved it

55936

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23599

You deserved it

1795

Tweet

Share

By mad dude

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14790

You deserved it

41379

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mankato

Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28980

You deserved it

4385

Tweet

Share

By LovelessNewlywed

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9063

You deserved it

2022

Tweet

Share

By V.. - 8/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Bored

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks

722

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9858

You deserved it

40029

Tweet

Share

By Kilamo

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44241

You deserved it

3022

Tweet

Share

By Rosie - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36211

You deserved it

5215

Tweet

Share

By Yazzy - United States

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55691

You deserved it

7907

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7675047 - Saturday 11 August 2018 18:32

Surely he would’ve seen/heard you walking out with them?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7675088 - Saturday 11 August 2018 21:07

Ahh hoarders they are notoriously impossible to deal with they need intervention of the psychological type to help them.

COMMENTS

By MidnaLink | 32

#7675047 - Saturday 11 August 2018 18:32

Surely he would’ve seen/heard you walking out with them?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7675049 - Saturday 11 August 2018 18:41

I guess you could say he's barmy about his pots. Wait, that doesn't sound right.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7675088 - Saturday 11 August 2018 21:07

Ahh hoarders they are notoriously impossible to deal with they need intervention of the psychological type to help them.

By real life problems | 26

#7675122 - Saturday 11 August 2018 22:34

At least he said you took his pots, not his pot. It could have been worse.

By doomsdayaddams | 6

#7675263 - Sunday 12 August 2018 3:25

That stinks. Hoarding is an anxiety-based disorder, though, so this isn’t that surprising.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7675304 - Sunday 12 August 2018 6:31

Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle’s mom?