Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
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Top comments
amagaeru 0
Err...unless the two of you bought the dog and tv together, that's probably theft.
allmidnighteyes 11
At least you have your computer... And maybe her virginity as well?
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Comments (132)
brokenboxofammo 0
Before you call the cops on her, send her a message saying, "You stole my tv?" and then if she answers in the affirmative you have an admission of guilt for the tv as well. Better to go with evidence than not.
crystalelizabeth 0
I smell a LAWSUIT coming up! :D
Sacch2010 0
Sue. Then kill her. I know I would.
Subjectzero 0
you don't know where she lives or some shit? get the cops on her ass.
utopi3103 0
get your dog back and then kill her
darkmis1 18
Don't just sit there on FML-call the cops. if you'd rather go online than look for your dog, you must not care about him very much.
crazy20164 0
She was more intimate with your dog then you. Have you checked the rest of your house to see that anything else is missing?
isatm 0
She's a bitch, dont worry about it ;p
bubblylovr 0
omg isnt That robbery
AKBIGCAL 0
Take dat bitch to small claims court and get your dog and tv back...