Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
amagaeru 0
Err...unless the two of you bought the dog and tv together, that's probably theft.
allmidnighteyes 11
At least you have your computer... And maybe her virginity as well?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
kaonashi_fml 0
That's when you report the theft.
flyboy57 0
I would snap if my gf took my dog!
kennythedude 3
Wow, that girl is an idiot.
QuentinM95 0
WOMEN. and they think men are bad, two FML sections that must be added "mom" and "women"
ellie_mik 0
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume you did something really terrible to piss her off that much. And when I say "go out on a limb" i really mean "state the all but obvious". it does suck that your dog is gone though
polico_wolf 0
yes its ALWAYS THE ******* MANS FAULT ISNT IT
bbi5291 0
I don't think any non-criminal action on his part could have justified her response. Even if he cheated on her, I don't think she'd steal his dog and TV if she's halfway rational. OP is probably better off without her.
Blimy 0
Can't you call the cops if the dog is tagged and registered to you?
Witchcraft_fml 5
Well, since you're not married, that qualifies as theft (unless she paid for them). Call the po-po on her ass, biznatch!
mirage24_fml 0
Can you honestly say that you were really surprised? There was no hint anywhere to you that this was coming?
SlapThatBitch 0
Yeah because guys should always expect their girlfriend to steal their dog and tv.
yem2004 0
that's just plain f'd up. sue the bitch!
Lehk 9
file a police report and LOL when she gets a criminal record. it won't likely result in a significant jail term, but it pretty much assures that every job she gets from here on out will involve asking two questions "how can i help you?" and "would you like fries with that?"