Today, it's not fair: I’ve seen my twin brother drink 2 full bottles of whiskey without getting more than tipsy, then go to work the next day completely fine on only 2 hours sleep, meanwhile I get completely trashed if I have more than 3 normal pints and take days to recover from the hangover. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML
Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML
Today, after two months of being teased by my friends for getting wasted and passing out from only one shot, I learned that I wasn't actually too weak to handle the alcohol. My "friends" had secretly laced my drink with sleeping pills. They're now teasing me for believing them. FML
Today, a coworker confided in me that he’s taking a leave of absence to get treatment for alcoholism. I feel for him, but I’m also incredibly jealous. He’s better at our job while drunk than I am while sober. FML
Today, I feel so tired and hungover after going to the office summer party yesterday. I had no alcohol to drink and I left at 10pm, way earlier than all my team. My team drank a lot and stayed until after 1am. They all showed up earlier and looking better than me, while I'm a trainwreck with a bad headache. FML
Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML
Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8:30. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Your brother is a high-functioning alcoholic. It's probably taken decades of consistently consuming lots of alcohol to develop that "skill." You react like a normal human to drinking too much. Why are you envious of him?
jobekka 20
he wasn't fine, he was still drunk.
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Comments (8)
jobekka 20
he wasn't fine, he was still drunk.
ElijahAsh 14
You need to practice more like your twin
RichardPencil 32
Your brother is a high-functioning alcoholic. It's probably taken decades of consistently consuming lots of alcohol to develop that "skill." You react like a normal human to drinking too much. Why are you envious of him?
Darthbane2007 19
So you are mad you aren't a functioning alcoholic?
2deployments1divorce 11
Your brother does cocaine
mccuish 25
I know that feeling. It takes more 3 pints to feel tipsy
MovieFreak1978 11
well I'm sure his liver isn't fine. why to much
Justkidding100 41
the only thing that prevents you from getting drunk is a high tolerance which is not enviable. the only thing to avoid a hangover is drink water during your binging, that or hair of the dog which is probably what your brother does...