Today, a man asked about fishing in the river that flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML
Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML
Today, I took my son fishing and we did quite well, catching enough for several nights worth of meals. Then, as we were packing up, the dumbass tipped the whole lot back into the sea because he somehow thought the freaking ocean was subject to catch and release. Four hours wasted FML
Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML
Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML
Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML
Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML
Today, I was so happy to be divorced from my asshole husband, I threw my ring off the bridge near the park where we met. As I was walking away, a diver surfaced, yelled, “I think you dropped this, miss” and threw the ring back at me. I can't catch a break today. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML
Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML
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Top comments
Volcan_fml 22
Who the **** makes their husband cry in public?
woainishamu 21
If he cries over his dick size, he needs to learn to grow up.
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Comments (96)
sarkaar 30
Do you work the till OP? You may have left him doubly short-changed.
BrianisFkd 6
FHL?
Jharrist89 12
What a little bitch. He's gonna try and ruin your career because his wife decides to make a true statement? Lol Damn... **** your life op..
MGITSWFTC 17
I'm still not sure why our society puts such an emphasis on penis size. It's absurd, and so many guys have hangups anout their junk because they think it's not long enough. Like an inch above or below average really makes that much difference.
Dilwann 27
It's true. But it's the same for women (eg. clothing size, boob size...). Some 'standards' (that are only the standards for the people who already have it good) are taken too far in comparing to others.
hotPinklipstick 24
Random fact: In ancient Greece an uncircumcised and small penis was culturally seen as desirable in a man, whereas a bigger or circumcised penis was viewed as comical or grotesque. I personally don't understand the obsession with penis size, if a man knows what he's doing I don't care how big (or small) it is.
valvmonster 9
Ironic though, the majority of the commenters here are berating the guy for being sensitive or unable to take a joke, when just a few FMLs ago sought to console and defend a woman who was apparently sensitive about her boob size.
Jirekianu2 19
It's a double standard. Mocking a guy and making fun of his body issues is funny and okay. Shaming a woman or making fun of her body issues is evil and wrong. Guys have body and self esteem issues as much as women.
Samuel5463 12
That's society for you
Medd_fml 13
Poor guy. That was a cheap shot in a cheap place.
thatnucca 36
What a bitch?! One woman's toss-out is another's Lexington Steele... In some circumstances that is...
ChakatBlackstar 29
It ain't the size that matters, it's how you use it.
laughmaster 9
Chances are she's one of those awesome spouses that aren't too sensitive for a few jokes, she sounds like fun
Rababco 29
@29. It's not "fun" and "awesome" if the poor man almost cried. :(
JTTK 5
Oh gosh, poor guy. I'm definitely going to hell for laughing at that though
perdix 29
This is a good argument FOR pre-marital sex. If the guy's dick was too small for her, she should know it before she ties the knot. Also, do Brits still use inches? Some people say that the US is the only place in the world that still uses inches, feet, miles, quarts, pints, gallons, etc., but I still hear British people referring to those units. What's going on over there?
Rumbelle_fml 22
We use inches, feet, and pints alongside centimetres, metres, and litres depending on the situation. Peoples' height and body measurements are usually taken in inches, because people are more familiar with it. Maybe it's easier for them to visualise it? idk. Milk is usually bought and measured in pints, although you can also get it in litres. Again, I guess it's to do with people and their comfort zones or something. There are probably more examples, but those are the ones I can think of. Basically we cherry pick between systems of measurement and choose whichever we find easiest, because we;re awesome like that. Also we like to confuse foreigners.
perdix 29
#32, you are awesome! Most Americans totally reject metric. Do you do temperatures in Fahrenheit or Celsius? Personally, I use Kelvin, but no one seems to be joining my movement.
MisterEx 28
That's because you will need to collect it for 72 hours and keep it refrigerated, Perdix.
rosie_jane 10
Either Fahrenheit or Celsius can be used in England, but most commonly it's Celsius.
Ki11erC 18
Don't know anyone that uses Fahrenheit here its always Celsius. Schools, weather, any of the sciences. All Celsius.