Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I tried meditating at the park to “be more mindful.” Right as I closed my eyes, a squirrel jumped onto my leg, causing me to scream loud enough to scare a nearby jogger, who then tripped over his own feet. I apologized while shaking uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML
Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML
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Top comments
shiroun 0
What the hell is with all the paranoid women? If theres a shadow behind you it doesnt automatically mean that youre about to get raped.
je_tdwp 4
Who the hell waves their arms to ward off an attacker? Are you dealing with a raccoon or a mugger here?
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Comments (160)
ticklemeblue 0
Ha! That'll save you, you sense an attacker and give him a clear shot to your vitals! (btw, the guy above is a jackass)
breannac 1
hahah that is hilarious. At least you had some instinct :).
XBCX96 4
you paranoid ****!! lol
HunterAlpha1 8
i am a pro-gun advocate; i believe that everyone who can legally own a gun should carry one. OP's particular case, however, would be an exception.
nwoodle 0
LMFAO..yhur stupid!
ncvolley123 8
it's ok to be scared. especially in big cities. I live in a small town and there are plenty of rapests and kidnappers. think of the little missing boy in Portland. I live five hours away.
sparklesxD 0
How would flailing your arms help? Lol YDI for being retarded.
dopebaby420 0
yra ****** idiot. paranoid people rly bother me.
Mialani 0
hahahahahaha! what the hell? woooow. that's hella funny.
abby1029 8
lol