Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I tried meditating at the park to “be more mindful.” Right as I closed my eyes, a squirrel jumped onto my leg, causing me to scream loud enough to scare a nearby jogger, who then tripped over his own feet. I apologized while shaking uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML
Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML
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Top comments
shiroun 0
What the hell is with all the paranoid women? If theres a shadow behind you it doesnt automatically mean that youre about to get raped.
je_tdwp 4
Who the hell waves their arms to ward off an attacker? Are you dealing with a raccoon or a mugger here?
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Comments (160)
24788 7
Wow you are really paranoid. You probably shouldn't be walking alone.
dg72592_fml 0
Were you in the hood or in the suburbs? if you were in the hood why the **** were you out in a park by yourself if you didn't feel like you could defend yourself. if you were in the suburbs... you've been watching too many movies...
jessxoxo28 5
LMAO!!!!! thats so funny!!! u must have made that joggers day
Sapphy 0
"why atre woman afraid and yadda ydda blah blah" you dont understand.. many women will think they are ok.. then suddenly soemthing happens. WE HAVE TO BECAREFUL! we are prey! she is very smart to be aware... because if she wasn't.. say one day something does happen... well you get the picture. so try to understand the danger. this world is not safe.. we all think we are invicible.. but that's what gets us killed.
EscapeArtist 0
I think her reaction was rather cute...
Urizen_fml 0
At least it was only him that saw it. That kinda thing will make his freakin week! be proud you brought some joy into the world
MajorLeeScrewed 0
YDI for thinking someone would want to attack you.
fcuk_fml 0
ah hahahahahahaha!!!! oh my gosh, i'm in aquiet study area at school and I just BURST out laughing! oh man...
HAHAHSUCKS4YOU 0
You ma'am made me laugh really hard watch out for some more scarryyy shadows oooooooo
ArmyOfOne 0
You bloody paranoid sodding wankers. Shut the **** up. Bloody hell... #121 Go back into your corner...