FML Uncensored

By Nightmares - 07/08/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 661
You deserved it 8 275

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That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....


That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....

What does Fellate mean, and don't tell me to Google it.

singerlove 14

At least he didn't ask for help?

Always look before you sit OP that's grotesque.

New to the Internet? This seems rather tame, comparatively.

JackeeDawn 9

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^ I see what you tried to do there...

You haven't been on FML long.

47- Well, at least not since that post about the guy driving with his wife when she decides to pull out her currently-being-used tampon and throws it at the car beside them. :p That was the last really tasteless FML that comes to mind. :p

Or the girl switching out her used pad in the theater during a movie....

Shoulda lent him a hand OP lol

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OR the lady switching her underwear in public on the sidewalk.

121: What'd you want her to do, leave it on your counter? In your sink? Assuming it wasn't flushable, which not all are.

vintage_doll 6

You say that you could've gone without reading this story, but no one told you to log onto FML, knowing the type of stories that are here. Secondly, OP was referring to a form of transportation..not food.

The girl could've wrapped the tampon in toilet paper so it wasn't so out in the open.

Zoh_Aubrey 8

If she was a proper girl she would've wrapped in toilet paper and spray something. And if it stinks that bad, her vag is sick. It shouldn't have a strong smell.

It is about the mode of transportation subway, not the restaurant chain 'Subway'.

121- in the garbage is not really out in the open, and where would she put in? On your welcome mat?

leahkasscar 11

It means to put ones penis into your mouth

That's the grossest thing I've ever heard.....

You didn't help him?

He doesn't achieve autofellatio anymore if OP pitches in.

If he was into that it wouldn't be an fml.

That's a odd thing to do when alone, let alone out in public. It's probably better for OPs health to not do it do some random guy on the subway.

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Give himself oral

JackeeDawn 9

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nina21194 12

Yep. If they get their bottom 2 ribs removed.

Dekarian 7

41, That's a myth. It's all about flexibility and/or penis size.

I can do it but it hurts me

iFizzgig 11

52- cool story

Slender_Man 6

Self bj

10 years old?

Oh crap! An fml official! ^

Oh no! Get the bear traps!

BradTheBrony 19

#43 Hey, the belly plays a big part too! Beer-bellied folks can't do it.

ant1ion 12

90 knows from experience

Dear mods, Are we ever going to be able to vote on your comments? :)

coughyochick 7

Suck his own D

106 - Many of the idiots on here would abuse that privilege.

I dont care if you thumb me down for this , but if this person didnt understand what that meant obviously he or she is gonna ask :/

^ GTFO, troll.

haha peole speak first think later

quite_bored 9

125, some people type and proofread never.

I bet it does

That's gross.

flutter4 7

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5 - You're a glass half full kind of guy, aren't you?

I think the glass is half full of himself.

Nah, he's a glass half empty headed kind of guy.

flutter4 7

I'm a girl

asoptavlo14 6

^ Combo breaker.

xXCherrryBombXx 6

I think everyone missed the sarcasm there...

That's simply disgusting. I hope you called the guards and told them what he was doing.

Called the guards? It was a subway, not a medieval castle. You don't have a bunch of guards within shouting distance on a subway...

In the state where I live, there are no subways. I wasn't sure what the people who keep peace on them are called. I apologize if I offended you in some way.

61- It offends me when people apologize for possibly offending, when they know fully well that what they said wasn't offensive, but rather unintentionally idiotic.

66 - I was being sarcastic when I apologized. :P We really need a sarcasm font on here.

He's called Batman.

doesn't everyone have a medieval castle in their subway system? oh no am I different D: I tried so hard. Dave Strider

9- You ma'am, definitely have the gift of understating situations. ;)

And you went so eagerly, too.

Why thank you sir!


Hahahahahha XD I think that's the best comment to date I've ever read on this site X'D

I see what you did there. ;)

ManicGypsy 22

#12 wins the internet! Epic win. OP, I am so sorry that you had to witness that.

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cumminsdiesel 1

fEllate means blow job

I don't know what you meant by that comment.

cumminsdiesel 1

look at the spelling of the word in comment and post

Oh no, I meant #13.

I'm sorry, I guess the guy has a fetish for Automobiles..

KiddNYC1O 20


Just shut your fucking mouth.