Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML
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Top comments
redhedsaysrawr 18
Your love life sounds like something from a TV show...
DomDomxoxo 16
Maybe he wants to eat it off your lady-parts (:
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Comments (76)
FaraPjJammaz 13
I don't blame him. When my family bought a juicer, god damn, it was like fruit massacre in my house :)
jmac1811 9
Sounds like you both want different kinds of fruit
Eivana 37
Have a sense of humor, that's cute. Haha, kind of reminds me of Randy Marsh.
bach2121 13
Tell him to juice your...you know. Haha
Austyn57 1
i have a foot fetish n everyone has fetishes so just enjoy it
kailsey 5
Why is that an FML? I think its kinda cute. Hes just really excited. You could have just said yes and laughed it off. Its not that big of a deal
NeonPopRocks 14
Lol, FRUIT NINJA!!!! He was practicing to be a fruit ninja with a juicer.....
CirocBoi7785 2
You're obviously terrible in bed.
bspiper87 7
Greedy ass has a cherry right in front of him and he wants more fruit?
iMandyx3 5
That's so hot.