Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML
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Top comments
redhedsaysrawr 18
Your love life sounds like something from a TV show...
DomDomxoxo 16
Maybe he wants to eat it off your lady-parts (:
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Comments (76)
perdix 29
Just lay back and say, "Oh, yes! Oh, Yes! Oh, YES!" and make sure he finishes you off before heading to the store.
kyliersb 4
"getting frisky" hahaha.
riellllle 14
At least he has his priorities in order.
cannonfodder 12
Apparently your melons just werent enough for him...
ObeyStudKing 4
Lol you've got a keeper.
CamdenMarie 6
You know what? Juicers are evil. I was dating a guy who was obsessed with his. He drank his fruit juice all day every day, and after about a week of this, we were having sex and he started machine-gunning out farts like you wouldn't believe, and had to go sit on the toilet for the rest of the night. So at least you're not at that point yet, but you will be. Oh, you will be.
redbluegreen 40
It might have to do with the drastic change in the diet. It probably went away in a few weeks once their body got used to it.
CamdenMarie 6
After that night, he gave up juicing; he was so dehydrated and sick. He did, however, lose like, I don't know, two pounds after that one night. But I never wanted him to lose weight anyways, he was very cute the way he was.
CamdenMarie 6
Yeah, it was to be expected that he'd react that way. The only solid thing he ate that week were Slim Jim's.
CeltHound 14
He's feeling inadequate. Dump him now!
outoftown 26
That's some main squeeze you have, OP :)
itsharkley 8
I guess you wanted him to leave his banana
Pikachu17 13
He isn't happy with your melons? ;)