By Wowseriously - 18/9/2019 12:00 - United States

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1334

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

The best cat

Everyone's an expert

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44636

You deserved it

6312

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/1/2020 03:00

So painful

Today, my sister caught me bent over trying to trim my pubic hairs. She took a photo of my spread ass as a joke and scared me so bad, I cut my clitoris. Currently in hospital hopped up on the really good morphine for the excruciating pain. Oh, and the stitches, God, I can't forget the stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2363

You deserved it

308

Tweet

Share

By CJ 84 - 19/1/2019 14:00

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2409

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By omgjessp - 19/7/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45476

You deserved it

3956

Tweet

Share

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28319

You deserved it

2845

Tweet

Share

By snowwhite - 28/10/2013 04:51 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks

58459

You deserved it

10066

Tweet

Share

By Bushfan101 - 17/3/2010 12:48 - France

Today, the guy I hooked up with last weekend texted me that I needed to "landscape my front lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12998

You deserved it

28598

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Impressive hairstyle

Today, I went to the hairdresser and changed my hairstyle drastically. It wasn't until she was nearly done that she said, "I just KNEW this style wasn't going to suit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1924

You deserved it

243

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26278

You deserved it

2070

Tweet

Share

By Ladieda - 28/5/2012 10:15 - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, my parents think it's so hot outside that it's okay for them to work in the garden naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34505

You deserved it

2527

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Shawzy - 14/1/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30340

You deserved it

9129

Tweet

Share

By Meowit - 7/9/2014 03:06 - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43535

You deserved it

3184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2009 07:18 - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20727

You deserved it

83061

Tweet

Share

By offrampmotel - 28/3/2017 14:00

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6203

You deserved it

688

Tweet

Share

By wellfuck - 15/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11934

You deserved it

2205

Tweet

Share

By sorrystupid - 2/6/2015 07:42 - United States

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30347

You deserved it

5252

Tweet

Share

By Sean - 27/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30013

You deserved it

8012

Tweet

Share

By CatofSteel - 5/3/2017 22:00

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4794

You deserved it

547

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 14:00

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2050

You deserved it

73

Tweet

Share

By PainStressLife - 11/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39223

You deserved it

3337

Tweet

Share

By numbcrumb - 18/9/2017 23:15

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5720

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2013 18:10 - United States - Miami

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62033

You deserved it

10008

Tweet

Share

By That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - 4/1/2014 07:21 - United States

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49141

You deserved it

4222

Tweet

Share

By AndyAnonymous - 27/4/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, I brought several bags of soda cans to the store to cash in. I hadn't shaved, and my coat had fur all over from my cat rubbing on it. The lady in front of me turned around, looked at my bags and me and said, "It's a lot of money people throw away, isn't it?" Apparently, I look homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12745

You deserved it

22339

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 04:06 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37737

You deserved it

3674

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/8/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55797

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By MexyBoy - 11/6/2019 16:08

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1763

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 14:36 - United States

Today, I got my phone back after bringing it in to get a crack in the screen repaired. The crack is fixed, but now the touch screen doesn't work and it won't connect to the Internet. I essentially paid to have my phone broken even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20217

You deserved it

1824

Tweet

Share

By gothchick201013 - 9/9/2016 18:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11949

You deserved it

1097

Tweet

Share

By mayerstexmex69 - 8/11/2012 15:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33676

You deserved it

2241

Tweet

Share

By - 28/1/2019 12:00 - United States - Arcade

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary is closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now everytime I pee, It not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2378

You deserved it

191

Tweet

Share

By backtosquareone - 4/10/2009 09:42 - Canada

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45395

You deserved it

3975

Tweet

Share

By Dlpnlvr85 - 10/7/2016 18:43 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11443

You deserved it

822

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 13:56 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28965

You deserved it

2737

Tweet

Share

By NoseInPain - 20/8/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52342

You deserved it

3966

Tweet

Share

By *SuperCringe* - 28/9/2017 16:00

Today, I was matched with my boss on Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3051

You deserved it

938

Tweet

Share

By questionmark707 - 12/4/2012 23:53 - United States - Fullerton

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23233

You deserved it

7215

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 07:10 - Indonesia

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53629

You deserved it

3384

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 24/1/2009 18:56 - Chile

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12748

You deserved it

29685

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/6/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40878

You deserved it

3544

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7844569 - Wednesday 18 September 2019 14:46

I can’t tell whether he doesn’t wash his hair, or just doesn’t think you do.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7844591 - Wednesday 18 September 2019 17:06

You might wanted to invest in a better-smelling shampoo. L'Oreal "Dirty Hippie" doesn't seem to be working for you.

Comments

By Peter Davies | 8

#7844546 - Wednesday 18 September 2019 12:24

I feel like an appropriate response would be "Do you wash your dick?"

Reply

Sady_Ct | 36

#7844694 - Thursday 19 September 2019 6:38

The scary part comes when he says ‘no?’

By MidnaLink | 32

#7844569 - Wednesday 18 September 2019 14:46

I can’t tell whether he doesn’t wash his hair, or just doesn’t think you do.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7844591 - Wednesday 18 September 2019 17:06

You might wanted to invest in a better-smelling shampoo. L'Oreal "Dirty Hippie" doesn't seem to be working for you.