Sex and Love: Do me - FML

Do me

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 525

You deserved it 12 148

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Same thing different taste

By DreeStahr - 30/09/2016 04:05 - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 891

You deserved it 1 377

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 358

You deserved it 342

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 493

You deserved it 4 224

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 14:00

Today, after I decided to see what would happen if I didn’t text my boyfriend first in the morning, I haven’t heard from him in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 333

By sleepingbeauty - 24/04/2016 08:45 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 237

You deserved it 3 764

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 931

You deserved it 40 629

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Spicy

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 066

You deserved it 7 760

By fml - 02/02/2011 09:48

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 062

You deserved it 6 125

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 17 891

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 526

You deserved it 4 411

Next

Top comments

troynt 2

Tuesday 10 February 2009 23:43

double standard ... if the roles were reversed no one would care.

deeznutzismine 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 23:10

Text me instead!

Comments

e_rico112 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 20:26

theres a veeeeeery slim chance he has a life. serisously. theyre free!

libbyson 5

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:44

haha thats what I was going to say, people these days get so worked up when someone doesn't answer there text messages right away Don't people realize some of us have lives

XxCoolPersonxX 0

Wednesday 9 September 2009 4:26

you wanted him to do you but now you have a boo-boo crappy and doesn't make sense but hey it ryhmes!

WhyworldWhy 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 5:52

Maybe his phone was off, maybe it was on silent, maybe he was busy not the end of the world

blahthing 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 15:04

Sounds like my boyfriend...no wait...mine would say "lol". Can't decide if it's any better or worse than not getting a reply at all.

MysteryJoker 5

Saturday 2 January 2010 8:11

I would say he wasn't in the mood if he responded but...yeah, phone is either off or he's like me where you don't check your messages for hours

Skimbap 0

Monday 14 June 2010 23:07

Maybe you're fat and ugly?

Hippie6 0

Friday 3 December 2010 20:00

DUde if you really need it that bad i'll do you :p. lol. ure life sucks

ChocolateMoses 0

Monday 2 May 2011 21:41

you cant jus assume stuff, his phone could have died or something along those lines

Mattxy8 5

Wednesday 25 May 2011 3:51

Why do people try to make excuses? His phone is probably fine, maybe your just not "fuckable"

Deitz123 2

Saturday 4 June 2011 0:41

Maybe bcoz ur a hoe.

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The Top

Today, as I was translating for a patient to get an MRI, the tech asked if I had metal in my body. In front of the patient, I had to disclose that my nipples were pierced, so I couldn’t accompany the patient bedside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 360

Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 564

The Top

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 495

You deserved it 7 313

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 145

You deserved it 3 738

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 325

You deserved it 1 461

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 045

You deserved it 2 556

Today, I set the record for bringing in the most money for a charity event, and my boyfriend and I got back together. This would normally all be wonderful, but it was a bachelorette auction with the winner getting a date with me. My boyfriend didn't have the winning bid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 345

You deserved it 1 295

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 026

You deserved it 3 920