Health and Embarrassing: Dick move - FML

Dick move

By Anonymous - 03/07/2026 18:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 310

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Random Next FML

Same thing different taste

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 803

You deserved it 1 186

By finalfantasy - 22/06/2018 01:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 875

You deserved it 271

By ewww - 03/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 415

You deserved it 3 886

By N O - 27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 408

You deserved it 6 971

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:01

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 201

Experimental

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 151

OK Tyler Durden

By Anonymous - 13/06/2012 20:38 - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 916

You deserved it 2 558

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 150

You deserved it 5 149

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 473

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 140

Next

Top comments

honestjane 22

Sunday 4 August 2019 7:31

To be honest, that is pretty funny. But they probably would have come off with a warm bath.

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 4 August 2019 7:26

Did he attach them while flaccid or erect? Either would hurt when there's a change in state. Lol!

Comments

Sheogorath 4

Sunday 4 August 2019 21:03

Acetone dissolves superglue. Nail polish remover will work, but not as quickly. It has less acetone in it. Cause I'm the kind of person that glues wounds shut and deals with them later. But it'll work for googly eyes too.

slowhandjp 18

Sunday 4 August 2019 22:58

I'll try it,too.😄

Tiffani Carter 6

Monday 5 August 2019 3:56

Was it??

bobsanction 18

Monday 5 August 2019 14:51

He's right you know.

WeirdUS 29

Monday 5 August 2019 22:28

It is funny, but you married a man-child.

TexanSpud 12

Tuesday 6 August 2019 8:56

Trying to get a squidward style nose

HeniousAnus 4

Wednesday 7 August 2019 3:39

That’s ******* hilarious lol

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Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 894

You deserved it 3 706

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 037

You deserved it 4 024

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 186

You deserved it 8 725

Today, I heard my girlfriend refer to me as her “boyfriend for now”, as in the guy she strings along until she meets the guy she loves and wants to marry. We’ve been together for two years and rent a flat together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 137

Today, I realized how fucked I am (not). I'm a 26 year-old virgin waiting for love. No guy my age wants someone inexperienced. The older I get, the more ridiculous I feel. I masturbate way more often than I should and it's like my body is screaming for intimacy. I don't know WTF to do. Maybe I'll be the next 40 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 232

Today, I ordered a food delivery and tracked it obsessively because I was starving. When it 'arrived', I realized I’d sent it to my old address from two years ago. Support said it was “successfully delivered.” Somewhere, a stranger is enjoying my dinner while I eat crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 509