Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the... - FML

By thefriedman - United States - Perris

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44400

You deserved it

8635

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Compassion

Banished

By kqwarrior - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13646

You deserved it

925

Tweet

Share

By Lena - United States

Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57925

You deserved it

7480

Tweet

Share

By CaptainByron

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4292

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By academicloser - United States

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28257

You deserved it

7314

Tweet

Share

By welp24

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3095

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40715

You deserved it

16809

Tweet

Share

By cc10 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64677

You deserved it

4138

Tweet

Share

By rukus - Canada

Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62370

You deserved it

4897

Tweet

Share

By Anna - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25918

You deserved it

4399

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97790

You deserved it

6520

Tweet

Share

By screwed - United States

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60704

You deserved it

3013

Tweet

Share

By prettylady? - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34999

You deserved it

2832

Tweet

Share

By Well this Is Awkward - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45798

You deserved it

6584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43436

You deserved it

3349

Tweet

Share

By BeachBummer

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3880

You deserved it

571

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40695

You deserved it

4969

Tweet

Share

By jakestorm

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1555

You deserved it

336

Tweet

Share

By Weezylover - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

70559

You deserved it

7945

Tweet

Share

By Apple - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19472

You deserved it

34698

Tweet

Share

By alli67

Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31362

You deserved it

7940

Tweet

Share

By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30769

You deserved it

2817

Tweet

Share

By dzisfml - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30451

You deserved it

4593

Tweet

Share

By the girl next door - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64679

You deserved it

5033

Tweet

Share

By deadmedia - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

I agree, your life sucks

56849

You deserved it

3846

Tweet

Share

By Mayo

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2315

You deserved it

395

Tweet

Share

By Jenna - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32893

You deserved it

5583

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26723

You deserved it

3011

Tweet

Share

By afafakfhsg - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34261

You deserved it

12023

Tweet

Share

By Strainer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28459

You deserved it

5962

Tweet

Share

By Rakoric

Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4743

You deserved it

399

Tweet

Share

By Mel - France - Toulouse

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25148

You deserved it

2670

Tweet

Share

By

Hopeless

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4898

You deserved it

293

Tweet

Share

By okthen - 10/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

One day with him

Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years...by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

914

You deserved it

1640

Tweet

Share

By me - United States - Parrish

Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39352

You deserved it

6669

Tweet

Share

By rick - United States - Roanoke

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47020

You deserved it

3528

Tweet

Share

By nobar

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

689

You deserved it

1612

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10939

You deserved it

980

Tweet

Share

By Cammi0 - United States

Today, I realized the only way I can pay my bills this month is if I steal from my 8 year old's birthday money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29806

You deserved it

6595

Tweet

Share

By ProudMama - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27175

You deserved it

3226

Tweet

Share

By Marcowalker95 - United States - Panorama City

Chill out, man!

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24577

You deserved it

7056

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364818 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:34

Shitting, coming, pissing. The best 3 feelings in life. Try having sex with her in your bathroom? :D

By buckdharma | 36

#5364836 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:52

Well, if you start jerking off in the shower, you won't be able to go out when it's raining.

COMMENTS

By SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364818 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:34

Shitting, coming, pissing. The best 3 feelings in life. Try having sex with her in your bathroom? :D

Reply

Cian_1 | 28

#5364856 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 12:14

That could end dangerously. He could triple himself! :P

Reply

iammeorami | 25

#5364892 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 13:02

op might be posting another FML soon......

Reply

klovemachine | 24

#5365113 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 17:20

I wonder how many FML's have been submitted while sitting on the throne :-O

Reply

asnakelovinbabe | 16

#5365165 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 17:57

Sounds like a blumpkin waiting to happen.

By xblair | 11

#5364819 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:35

Time to get a new air freshener!

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5364915 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 13:48

They should do away with them. Air freshers are chemical laden - better to get an air purifier and have an organic essential oil to sprinkle around the room, or simply put the extractor fan on.

By 0RedPenguin0 | 8

#5364824 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:41

The good news is that both rooms smell incredibly fresh :)

By wholikesbacon | 9

#5364825 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:42

Some people might think of that as a good thing. Surprisingly enough.

Reply

ddlovatolover | 23

#5364989 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 15:38

As far as I know, guys can't piss while having an erection, so FYL op, that must be truly terrible.

EDIT: This was meant to be posted as a comment, but I must have accidentally hit 'reply'.

Reply

ChibiChibi_fml | 27

#5365345 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 20:51

If men flat out couldn't piss with an erection there wouldn't be an entire sub-genre of porn that involved men pissing while screwing somebody. It's my understanding that pissing with an erection can be difficult but it is not impossible.

Reply

ericcrash | 13

#5365545 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 23:30

35. how else is a guy going to get rid of morning wood?

Reply

dbss11 | 3

#5365813 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 2:56

35
You just have to bend forward a bit and it'll work; It's not too hard.

Reply

TheElBurrrito | 21

#5368746 - Friday 15 February 2013 12:54

something's hard...

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5364828 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:43

What a shitty situa... *Headshot*

Reply

SoSickWithIt | 14

#5364833 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:49

I personally would've had the trigger pulled after "What a-".

By MrClean17 | 15

#5364829 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:45

If it really bothers you, it's only about three dollars for a new air freshener

Reply

botanistjessica | 24

#5365429 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 22:13

Listen to this guy. After all, he is Mr. Clean.

Reply

lovelyohhmee | 8

#5366401 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 14:57

$3.00 where do you get air fresheners from?

By buckdharma | 36

#5364836 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:52

Well, if you start jerking off in the shower, you won't be able to go out when it's raining.

Reply

asnakelovinbabe | 16

#5365169 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 18:00

I'm outside and it starts to rain and I JIZZ.... In, my pants.

By Token780 | 3

#5364838 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:54

Shut up

Reply

SillyGirl4602 | 23

#5364876 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 12:42

Who are you telling to shut up?

Reply

BunchieRules | 31

#5364963 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 14:55

It's possible 9 was replying to 5's horrible comment, and something went wrong on their end. I'm going to give him/her the benefit of the doubt, as I don't see why any commenter would directly address OP in that manner.

Reply

4dycegrl | 3

#5365379 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 21:16

why cant he say shut up?

Reply

Eluveitie | 9

#5365919 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 4:41

Shut up, 52.

By karlcolt45 | 19

#5364840 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 11:55

some people would find a middle man to cut out somewhere in there

Reply

TheElBurrrito | 21

#5368752 - Friday 15 February 2013 12:56

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say his penis would be the middle man in this situation. Not sure abut you, but I don't want to cut out my penis...

By dontpanic_fml | 32

#5364849 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 12:06

The powers of association are overactive in this one...