Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML
Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML
Today, I was running late for an important meeting and couldn't find my car keys. After searching around for way too long, I finally realised where they were - in the pocket of the pants I'd worn the day before, which were now spinning around in the now-unstoppable, two-hour washing machine cycle. FML
Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML
Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML
Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML
Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kirtpar 0
Or just start washing your undies ^.^
Yellow_Fish79 11
Yeah, I'd probably start carrying around a mace. And a bat. And a gun. .... and a rape whistle.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (174)
Ryan3285 0
fruitlessly? never mind the skidmarks, fruitlessly?
nuggetman213 0
Both
HolyBuckingShit1 1
Lmfao. i think u should carry mace with you cause thats no lucky guess if its that detailed.
hamtaro331 0
Skrew mace. Get a 9 mm Pistol
mlexi21 5
I just laughed so hard I cried.
Honda288 2
I have to say my first move would be checking my windows for peeping toms, then checking my vents for hidden cameras.
DaddyLongStroke 1
How about washing your ass for starters.
melrose90210 10
Wash your panties woman.
shannonjnae2706 0
The whole stalker thing doesn't bother me as much as it should. I'm more bothered by the fact that you have skid-marked underwear. Guys, no offense, it's disgusting. But, it's forgivable (every once in a while, not all the time). The fact that OP is a female is horrendously wrong in so many ways.
Emperorerror 8
Why do you say "guys", like this is advice to guys, but then you also acknowledge that OP is a girl?
shannonjnae2706 0
Because most guys I know are slobs like that. Luckily, my man isn't one of them. :P And, the fact that my point was about the OP being female was based on myself (high-maintenance, have high standards for myself and my life). You'd think, that as a female, she'd have a little more self-respect.
Emperorerror 8
YDI for not knowing what toilet paper is.