Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent an hour frantically searching for my car keys, turning the entire apartment upside down. After giving up and calling a locksmith, I found the keys… in the fridge. Because apparently I put my leftover pizza on top of them. FML
Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML
Today, I was running late for an important meeting and couldn't find my car keys. After searching around for way too long, I finally realised where they were - in the pocket of the pants I'd worn the day before, which were now spinning around in the now-unstoppable, two-hour washing machine cycle. FML
Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML
Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML
Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML
Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML
Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML
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Top comments
kirtpar 0
Or just start washing your undies ^.^
Yellow_Fish79 11
Yeah, I'd probably start carrying around a mace. And a bat. And a gun. .... and a rape whistle.
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Comments (174)
chengy4191 7
He's probably psychic?
xgetxbentx 13
Get some pepper spray...
Absurd101 0
Ydi for having twitter
MooMofo 3
*in peter griffin's voice* heheheh, gross.
badactor009 0
A mace is a good start. I prefer a large caliber Glock or 1911. Don't leave home without one. In the Uk they have these WWII posters that say "Keep calm an carry on". It's an inspiring message. In the US ours says "Keep calm and carry one". It's a more practical message.
yaoifreak 8
Uuuuuhhhhh that's not creepy At all O.o
MrsDrake11 7
You don't need mace. No one wants to rape someone who has skid marked underwear that's just nasty.
yaoiluver69 3
They lookin through yo windows, they plan to snatch you up, so they hide yo keys, in yo undies, hide yo keys, in yo undies cause they stalkin everybody out there!!
dhbeaver 9
as a police officer, if I were you I would carry mace.
GottaCoconut 3
Start washing your ass, then start washing your clothes, then get a pailbat.